MECS Matters

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How to Ask Your Child 'RU OK?'

It can be hard to know how to encourage our children to express their feelings. Here are some tips on how to help ask your child if they are ok.

 

1. Choose the Right Moment

Find a calm, quiet moment when you’re both relaxed:

  • For younger children this might be when you’re having a snack together or sitting with them on the couch or at bedtime.
  • For teenagers this might be when you’re driving together (and not having to look at each other), bouncing a ball or going for a walk together.

Put away distractions like your phone or TV to show your child they have your full attention.

 

2. Use Open-Ended Questions

Warm, open-ended questions can show that you care and encourage deeper conversation, like:

  • “I’ve been thinking about you, how are you feeling?”
  • “What’s been on your mind lately?”
  • “How have things been at school?”
  • “Is there anything bothering you that you’d like to talk about?”

Some children may find it hard to talk directly and you may find that drawing with a younger child or writing with an older child may help.

 

3. Listen and Validate

When your child shares, listen without interrupting. Show empathy by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and using affirming phrases like, “I understand” or “that sounds tough.” This helps your child feel heard and valued.

 

4. Follow Up

Check in regularly to show that you care and notice how they’ve been going. “How have you been feeling since our last talk?” can reaffirm that their feelings matter to you.

 

5. Know When to Seek Help

If your child expresses persistent sadness, anxiety, or signs of distress, it may be helpful to seek professional help. Encourage them by saying, “Talking to someone can really help. Would you like me to find someone for you?” Some good places to start are:

  • Talk to their teacher/coordinator and wellbeing team at school
  • See GP to consider a mental health care plan for a private psychologist
  • Call Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 or Eastern Health Psych Triage 1300 721 927
  • Some useful parenting websites such as RaisingChildren.net.au

Most importantly: Remind your child that you love them and you are always there for them. Your concern and checking they’re ok can make a world of difference to their lives.

 

Amanda Colverson

​​​​​School Counsellor