Chaplains Spot

As a marriage celebrant, I sometimes also officiate at funerals. Even though it can be a sad time, it is a special privilege to spend time with people in their major life experiences. It’s not always easy to know how to help others who are grieving, when they have experienced grief or loss. The same goes with our own grief – we are not sure how to work through it in a healthy manner, learning lessons, and moving forward into a new phase. My 94 year-old Mum died a few weeks ago, after years of dementia and separation. Our memorial service helped us all to find closure.

Below are details from a card that I use with students dealing with grief and loss. 

10 grief strategies

Take time out to mourn                                  Make no major decisions

Talking helps healing                                      Express yourself creatively

Honour your loved one’s memory              Stay healthy

Don’t numb your feelings                              Have fun

Plan for special occasions                            Reach out

Not all strategies work with everyone, and that’s okay. We are all different. Every grief is unique, but there are certain stages that most of us go through to various degrees. These can include shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, acceptance and hope. We can revisit the same stages several times, and there is no timetable of grief. We just need to allow time to let ourselves grieve. We need to be honest with ourselves, to help us grow through the post-death feelings. No feeling is wrong. Each feeling needs to be acknowledged and addressed, so we can discover how to live our life without the one we have lost. 

These 10 grief quotes from famous writers, artists and influential figures describe the pain of losing a loved one, and what it takes to keep on going through the dark times.

1.“I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.” Leo Buscaglia (professor and motivational speaker)

2. “Perhaps some day the sun will shine again, and I shall see that still the skies are blue, and feel once more I do not live in vain, although bereft of you.” Vera Brittain (frontline nurse during WWI and writer)

3. “You’ve got to trust yourself. Be gentle with yourself. And listen to yourself. You’re the only person who can get you through this now.” Tessa Shaffer (author and entrepreneur)

4. “Tears water our growth.” William Shakespeare (playwright & poet)

5. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, suffering, struggle, loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (grief psychologist)

6. “Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.” Rossiter Worthington Raymond (engineer and author)

7. “What is lovely never dies, but passes into another loveliness, star-dust or sea-foam, flower or winged air.” Thomas Bailey Aldrich (writer, poet and editor)

8. “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” Marcel Proust (author and essayist)

9. “When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength."

The Dalai Lama (religious leader of Tibetan Buddhism)

10. “Faith is the bird that sings when dawn is still dark.” Rabindranath Tagore (painter, writer, musician)

Resources:

There a few books I can recommend to help with grief and loss. Some are specifically for children – the first five, and the others are to read together.

1. ‘Always and forever’ – about animal friends and death.
2. ‘The Goodbye Book’ – fish friends and death
3. ‘Beginnings & Endings with LIFETIMES in between’ – life spans of insects, animals, people.
4. ‘I’ll always love you’ – about the death of a pet
5. ‘When dinosaurs die – A guide to understanding death’ – including a glossary of words related to death, and ways to remember someone.
6. ’Tear soup’ – a beautiful story about a Grandpa who dies. 
7. ‘Good Grief’ – looks at the stages of grief.

I have had many conversations about grief and loss over the years. If you would like to explore your own grief in a safe environment, I am happy to meet with you.

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FRIDAY FUN FACT: 

Sliced bread was first manufactured by machine and sold in the 1920s by Chillicothe Baking Co in Missouri. It was the greatest thing since…unsliced bread?. 

GRPS Family support:

Meal Train roster: If you would like to donate a meal, please go to the link to lock in a date.

The sign-up link is: https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/vlwooz

Toast Tuesday roster: If you would like to help on a Tuesday morning, please go to the link to lock in a date. The sign-up link is: volunteersignup.org/3TCXX 

Say thanks: to Bakers Delight Heathmont and Woolies Eastland  when you make purchases.

Second-hand uniforms: Visit us on Tuesday mornings on Toast Tuesday – gold coin donation.

PLEASE NOTE: As from the next assembly on October 27, I will also have the second-hand uniforms available before and after assembly. We are very low on shirts, so if you have any spare ones at home, we would welcome them. Drop them in at TT, or to the office for me. 

Bread and emergency food: We have a stock of non-perishable food items if your family would like some extra support. Drop in on us at Toast Tuesday.

Exploring Grief and Loss Day – Tuesday 10 October

A few children came to spend time reflecting on, and taking about their grief. We used books, posters and worksheets to help them think about their loved ones.  

Contact: If you need to contact me, you can email, phone, or see me on my days at school.

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Alan Silverwood: Chaplain - Pastoral care for our community. [Monday, Tuesday, Friday]

[alan.silverwood@education.vic.gov.au]

Supporting the School community in emotional, social, spiritual and practical wellbeing. 

Our Chaplaincy program is funded by the Federal Government’s ‘National Student Wellbeing Program’, the GRPS School Council and donations.