Michael Grose

Parenting Toolbox

Two Surprising Qualities Parents Need to Succeed in 2025 (and Beyond)

How to Master Two Qualities Essential for Parenting Success Today.

It’s the great parenting paradox:

The qualities that helped your parents raise you successfully are not the same ones that will help you raise your children successfully. The best parents adapt to the times in which they live,

My parents had an abundance of patience and conscientiousness, which enabled them to steer a steady course in raising four boomer children successfully.

Life was slower, simpler, and more stable.

We lived in a house with a single phone attached to the wall. One television set, which they controlled.

Kids went to school. Came home. Did homework. Played outside. Went to bed. Grew up. Left home. Rinse and repeat.

My own parenting experience required high levels of organisation and personal communication skills as two working parents (in two-parent families) became the norm, and the idea of “obey your parents” disappeared. The previously languid parenting space had undergone a dramatic change.

But family life today is way more challenging than it was at the turn of the century..

As I watch my children parent, it’s obvious they need more than patience, conscientiousness, sharp organisational skills and higher communication skills to succeed.

Two new qualities will shape their effectiveness as parents in this era dominated by digital (and social) media, artificial intelligence, global instability, and unprecedented change.

Today’s essential qualities are Curiosity and Courage.

Curiosity Will Keep You One Step Ahead

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it continues to keep the tiger alert and strong.

With so much going on in the world and your child’s life, you can’t afford to put your head in the sand, or worse, throw your hands in the air and say, “It’s all too much.”

To the curious goes the understanding. Here’s how:

1. Stay Engaged in Their Evolving World

Stay fully engaged in your child's evolving world so you can understand the dynamic environment in which they're growing up.

This means actively exploring new teaching methods that impact their learning, understanding current trends, fads, and digital platforms shaping their interests and peer interactions, and recognising shifts in societal norms and values they encounter daily.

By remaining present and curious, you'll gain valuable insights into their educational journey, social landscape, and the broader cultural shifts influencing their development.

This active involvement will allow you to not only keep pace with their lives but also to support them better and connect with them as they navigate their unique experiences.

2. Take a Genuine Interest

Showing genuine interest in your child's world, from their school day to their sports and activities, goes far beyond simple curiosity. It's a powerful way to build connection and strengthen your bond.

This active interest encourages communication and fosters their development. Knowing you're genuinely curious makes it easier for your child to open up about their triumphs, challenges, and everything in between.

By understanding their experiences, you're better equipped to support their learning, skill development, and social growth, allowing you to celebrate their successes and help them navigate any difficulties they encounter, providing essential guidance as they grow.

3. Ask Smart Questions

Move beyond a generic "How was school?" which often yields a one-word "Fine”(if you’re lucky) to asking thoughtful questions.

These questions should be specific, rather than broad. For instance, instead of "What did you do?", try asking, "What was the most interesting thing you learned in science today?" or "Who did you play with at recess?"

Also, aim for open-ended questions that invite more than a simple yes or no. Questions like "What was challenging about practice today?" or "Tell me about the story you read today" encourage them to elaborate and share their experiences.

Approach these conversations with genuine curiosity, not interrogation. Your goal is to understand and connect, not to cross-examine.

4. Speak to Other Adults

Parents never parent well in isolation.

If this is you, come in from the cold and engage with other parents, teachers, coaches, and activity leaders. Gain different perspectives on your child's behaviour, strengths, and areas for growth that may not be apparent at home.

Beyond fresh insights, this network serves as your early warning system, often noticing academic, social, or emotional issues before they escalate into major problems. Their observations can give you a crucial head start in addressing concerns.

This collaboration creates a vital support network, making the parenting journey less isolating and more enriching for everyone involved.

5. Stay In-The-Know

Be an informed, pro-active parent, not one waiting for problems to arise.

This isn't about helicopter parenting; it's about being tuned in to their schedules, whether it involves school events, sports, or their social calendar.

And it's not just about what they're doing, but what they're into and how they’re travelling mental health-wise. Keep a close eye on their overall well-being – how they're doing academically, socially, and if there are any shifts in their mood.

And perhaps most importantly, really listen to them. When you're truly informed, you're better equipped to guide them through whatever comes their way.

Make Courage Your Compass

It may take courage to be imperfect, but it takes plenty of parental pluck to raise kids today.

There’s a lot of talk currently about developing courage in kids to face their fears, meet challenges, and live with uncomfortable feelings.

But parents are no strangers to fears, challenges, and discomfort. Making tough calls, letting kids take risks, and handling failure and disappointment are all part of the parenting deal.

Courage is an indispensable quality for navigating the complexities of raising a family in today's world.

Courage in parenting isn't about grand, heroic gestures; it's often found in the quiet, consistent acts of prioritising your child's needs, even when it's difficult. Here are five ways parents can show courage:

1. Make Tough Decisions

Parenting requires making choices that are unpopular, uncomfortable, or counter to societal pressure. You need courage to set boundaries and stand firm on rules and expectations, even when met with resistance or disappointment from your child.

It’s tough raising kids in a world that promotes instant gratification and pushes kids to grow up quicker than ever. You need to stand your ground and choose what's genuinely best for your child's long-term development over immediate gratification or peer acceptance.

Let your values guide your decision-making, not your peers or social media.

You also need courage to protect their well-being, intervening when necessary, even if it means confronting some brutal truths or challenging external influences that aren't good for your child. It's about being their fierce advocate, no matter what.

2. Allow for Struggle and Failure

It takes some parental pluck to step back and let your child experience discomfort, disappointment, or failure. This courage allows you to resist the urge to constantly "rescue" them from challenges, enabling them to build problem-solving skills and inner strength.

It takes nerves of steel to allow them to make age-appropriate mistakes and learn from the natural consequences, empowering them to navigate their path and develop real agency.

It’s hard, but essential to teach kids that setbacks are opportunities for learning and improvement, rather than reasons to give up.

3. Model Vulnerability and Imperfection

Kids look to their parents for safety and security, but this doesn’t mean you have to be infallible. Foster a deep sense of connection with your child by letting them see your human face - yep, that includes your fears, struggles and muck-ups.

Kids today are desperate for a real connection with their parents, so drop any perfect ‘I’m always coping’ persona you may have and let your kids see the real you - warts and all.

That doesn’t mean you share every difficulty with your child. Some information is intended for parental consumption only. But letting your kids know that you, too, struggled at times as a child, that you have real fears and struggles, and yes, you do make mistakes in parenting from time to time, fosters a deeper sense of connection.

It’s also reassuring for perfectionistic firstborns that they don’t have to always live up to impossible standards.

At a time when kids’ mental health is under the microscope, parental vulnerability may be their best asset.

4. Stand Up for Your Child (and Yourself)

Advocacy has never been more critical than in the current times. And advocacy, or sticking up for your child’s rights and your family’s values, has never been harder.

This advocacy can involve speaking assertively at schools or sports organisations when a child's well-being or rights are compromised or educational opportunities need to be maximised. Advocacy needs to be strategic and measured to be effective, rather than being driven by emotion.

Parents also need courage to stick up for their family's beliefs and help their kids through tough topics. This means having the strength to say "no" to what everyone else is doing if it doesn't fit with how they want to raise their child or isn't suitable for their child.

It also means facing complex subjects head-on with their kids, like mental health problems, safety worries, or bullying, instead of ignoring them.

5. Embrace the Unknown

Parenting is a journey filled with uncertainties and unexpected twists. That means you need to be adaptable and be open to change.

Rigid beliefs like “It should be done this way”, “No child of mine will ever……” and “Kids shouldn’t……” are the silent killers of parent-child relationships. As the world opens up for kids, your sense of control drops significantly. Many parents respond by tightening restrictions. But this approach is a losing game.

Shifting from control to influence as a parenting strategy will help you stay in the parenting game as they negotiate the tricky times of adolescence and beyond.

This means you have to take a leap of faith and support your child to pursue new experiences, passions, or challenges, even when it feels scary or unfamiliar to you.

And trust your instinct, even when your intuition conflicts with conventional wisdom.

Yes, embracing the unknown takes parental nerves of steel.

Finally

The world has changed dramatically since our own childhoods, and it will continue to evolve, demanding new qualities from us as parents.

While patience, conscientiousness, and other traits are still important, it's curiosity that keeps you nimble in understanding our kids' complex worlds, and courage that gives you the strength to make tough decisions and guide them through uncertainty.

Embrace these two key qualities, and you'll not only navigate the current era but also truly thrive as a parent, helping to shape resilient and well-adjusted children ready for whatever the future may bring.