Principal

R U OK? WEEK

Last week, we raised the awareness of mental health issues in young people by commemorating R U OK? Day. It was timely, given the devastating news of the suicide of a 12-year-old Year 7 student at Santa Sabina College. We are very closely connected to this school that has been rocked by the tragic, senseless loss of a young person. We know that many of our Year 7 boys went to school with that student and the shock waves have reverted amongst them. They are being supported and closely monitored but such an event triggers feelings in people and it is those feelings that we need to address.

At the same time, AISNSW shared the preliminary feedback of the Your School in Focus surveys and there is evidence that parents/carers are describing concerns about incidents that have occurred at school however, we have NO idea about what has transpired.

We need your help to identify and deal with matters that can affect the health and wellbeing of our students. 

I urge parents/carers who have concerns about their son’s mental health and wellbeing, especially if it is related to an incident at school, to contact the relevant Year Coordinator or the College Counselling team (contact details are in the SPC App). Don’t assume we have knowledge about what is going on.

Further, keep a close eye on their social media consumption. We know that platforms like Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and AI chatbots are engineered to be addictive to young people. The “like” buttons are constantly monitored by young people leading them to strongly measure their self-worth against how their posts are viewed. A silly, innocuous response that would never be made in person can be fixated upon by a young person, leading to high anxiety and depression. Insist on a digital detox at some point in the evening.

What contributes to mental health issues for young people?

There is no single explanation for why some young people experience difficulties with their mental health. Often mental health issues result from a combination of factors. Some factors may be internal, like having a family history of mental health issues or a personality type that tends towards negativity, perfectionism, or self-doubt. Other factors are external, and include things such as:

• a relationship breakup
• school or exam-related pressures
• drug and alcohol use or experimentation
• experiences of bullying or abuse at school, including bullying or abuse related to sexuality or gender identity 
• pressures and influences from others, including on social media, affecting personal image
• traumatic events (e.g., natural disaster, serious accident, a physical or sexual assault or losing someone close to them).

It’s important to remember that just because a young person is going through a tough time, it doesn’t mean they will develop mental health issues. A supportive family can make a big difference to how well a young person copes with these kinds of events.

What are the warning signs that a young person might be experiencing mental health issues?

As a parent/carer, it can often be hard to know the difference between normal behaviour, such as occasional moodiness and irritability, and an emerging mental health issue. Feeling down, tense, angry, anxious, or moody are all normal emotions for young people, but when these feelings persist for long periods of time (and if they begin to interfere with daily life) they may be cause for concern.

Keep an eye out for significant changes that last at least a few weeks, such as:

• being less interested and involved in activities they would normally enjoy
• changes in appetite or sleeping patterns
• being easily irritated or angry
• finding their performance at school is not as good as it once was
• involving themselves in risky behaviour they would usually avoid, such as taking drugs or drinking too much alcohol
• having difficulties with concentration or motivation
• seeming unusually stressed or worried, or feeling down or crying for no apparent reason
• expressing negative, distressing or out-of-character thoughts.

What can I do to encourage my young person to talk about their mental health?

Raising sensitive issues with young people can be challenging. It’s important that young people feel comfortable and supported to talk about their mental health. Here are some things you can do to encourage this:

• Think about how you can talk about and manage your own feelings. Often young people are worried about their parents/carers being upset, anxious, overwhelmed, shocked, angry, blaming, etc. If a young person can see that their parent might be able to respond calmly and listen, they are more likely to begin a conversation. If you’re not sure how to respond, you can contact support services to get advice.
   
• Be available without being intrusive.
   
• Spend regular time with them – even doing just one activity a week together can help to keep the lines of communication open.
   
• Show that you are interested in what’s happening in their life and try not to focus on things that you think are a problem.
   
• Take their feelings seriously – show empathy, listen carefully, and don’t judge (it can be more useful at times to say nothing than to jump in with answers or solutions).
   
• Encourage exercise, healthy eating, regular sleep and doing things they enjoy – this will help their physical health as well as mental health.
   
• Encourage and support positive friendships.
   
• Let them know that you love them. They may not always admit it, but this is likely to be very important to them.
   
• Think about a good time and place to talk about sensitive subjects. For example, would they find it easier to talk while driving or going for a walk? Would they prefer to be out of the house with no interruptions? Would they prefer to have someone else there for support?

What can I say to start a conversation with my young person about their mental health?

There is no perfect way to start a conversation about mental health with a young person.

Sometimes it can be helpful to begin with general and open question such as:

• How is [e.g., school/sport] going?
• How are you getting on with [e.g., your friends/your siblings]?
• How are you feeling about [e.g., studying/exams]?

To focus on more specific thoughts and feelings, you could try using ‘I’ statements such as:

• I’ve noticed that you seem to have a lot on your mind lately. I’m happy to talk or listen and see if I can help.
   
• It seems like you [haven’t been yourself lately/have been up and down], how are things?
   
• You seem [anxious/sad], what is happening for you? We can work it out together.
   
• It’s ok if you don’t want to talk to me, you could talk to [trusted/known adult]. I will keep letting you know I love you and am concerned.

How you talk with your young person will depend on their age and understanding – the language you use should feel natural. If your young person opens up about their mental health, reassure them early on that you’re glad and relieved that they’re talking to you.

How should I respond to my young person if I am worried about their mental health and safety?

Having conversations about mental health can be scary for everyone. Here are some things you can say to your young person if you are worried about their mental health and safety:

• Let them know that you are concerned.
   
• Remind them that talking about a problem can help.
   
• Talk openly and honestly with them.
   
• Acknowledge that opening up about personal thoughts and feelings can be hard and sometimes scary.
   
• Reassure them that you will be there for them and ask what they need from you (they might not know what they need).
   
• If you are worried about suicide, ask direct questions. For example, ‘Have you ever thought about death?’ or ‘Have you ever thought about ending your life?’ (If you are not sure how you might feel hearing ‘yes’ to this question seek professional support to help you manage the conversation.)
   
• Offer to help them find information and an appropriate service, such as headspace, and offer to attend the service with them if they want.

Some young people might deny there is anything wrong and/or refuse help. You could suggest other people the young person could talk to, for example, a trusted adult, a GP or eheadspace.

It’s okay to raise your concerns again and again. Opening up about personal thoughts and feelings can take some time so it’s important to be persistent.

Remember to look after yourself

When you look after yourself you have greater patience and can offer a more considered approach to helping a young person. Families and friends supporting young people should remember their own needs and know where to get information and support for themselves.

Here are some ways you can look after your own health and wellbeing:

• Remind yourself that there is no such thing as a PERFECT parent
• Eat well and drink plenty of water
• Get a good night’s sleep
• Make time every day to do something you enjoy
• Ask for help or support for yourself from family and friends, or your GP or counsellor
• Parent helplines (in every State and Territory of Australia) – Google ‘Parentline’ in NSW
• Relationships’ Australia
• Family relationships services
• Local family support services.

One of the most effective ways to support a healthy headspace is to model healthy behaviours yourself.

Br Berg LCD Scoreboard Campaign                   

We truly appreciate each parent/carer who went online and donated money towards the scoreboard campaign after last week’s Especean.

My thanks to these families who responded to my article last week and even those families who would prefer to not be publicly identified:

Our current total has now edged along to $22, 358.12

We are a long way from our target!

If every family (who has not already done so) could contribute a minimum of $100 (which is tax-deductible), we would reach our target before the end of the year. We will acknowledge all benefactors by perpetually making a list of donors available from a QR code on the plaque that we install.

If you can, please donate today. We would gratefully receive more! The link to the Australian Sports Foundation website is Br Berg LCD Scoreboard Breen Oval.

Help us to achieve our Dream for Breen, a precinct that your son/s can truly enjoy and be proud of!

In Memoriam

We pray for the Herro Family on the loss of Old Boy Slaiman Herro (’79) who was brother to Old Boy Rick Herro (’81) and uncle to Old Boys Matthew Herro (’09 and TAS Faculty), Michael Herro (’12) and Mark Herro (’19). 

Dr Vittoria Lavorato

Principal

SPC boys can do anything! 

**except divide by zero