Deputy Principal & 

Student Wellbeing 

Managing expectations about schoolwork and achievement

Some young people may experience school reluctance or refusal because of high expectations about achievement. These expectations could be from themselves, their parents or family members or the school. If you think this is contributing to your child’s school reluctance or refusal, try to:

• Shift conversations with your child about school away from their grades or achievement.

• Focus on the effort your child is putting into their schoolwork rather than their grades or achievement.

• Avoid nagging, criticising, blaming, reprimanding or lecturing your child about their academic achievement.

If your child has low motivation to achieve or is struggling to motivate themselves, try to:

• Help your child identify their strengths and abilities.

• Encourage your child’s achievements and support them with enthusiasm and optimism.

• Avoid accusing your child of being lazy.

Praise your child for their efforts in their schoolwork and for even the slightest improvement in achievement. Try to reward your child for their behaviour and actions (such as completing homework tasks) rather than the outcome (such as receiving a good grade).

If your child is not attending school

If your child is not attending school, you can help them progress towards returning to school by:

• Maintaining a consistent routine at home that resembles a regular school week.

• Asking the school for a small amount of schoolwork for your child to complete at home

during school hours.

• Having someone available to support your child in completing their schoolwork at home during school hours.

• Giving your child home-based learning tasks and appropriate household chores to complete during school hours.

When establishing a school-like routine at home, make it clear to your child that these changes are intended to lead up to them returning to school.

Establishing a plan to return to school

When creating a plan for your child to return to school (after a period of refusal), involve your child, the school and a mental health professional if one is involved.

Together, develop a clear plan to gradually reintegrate your child to school. Try to figure out where past efforts have broken down (e.g., getting out of bed, getting dressed, getting into or out of the car, getting into the classroom). Develop specific plans for dealing with refusal at these stages.

It is important that both you and your child have a clear understanding of the details of the return-to-school plan.

You may need to remind your child about what has been agreed on in the plan.

Aim for the plan to start with a small goal and gradually build up. Here are some tips to consider when developing the return-to-school plan:

• Consider a range of options for how to return to school (e.g., starting the school day after lunchtime, only attending favourite classes, only attending non-classroom areas).

• Arrange for your child’s arrival at school to be a low-profile event to minimise embarrassment and anxiety.

• Ask the school to establish a safe place for your child, where they can go to settle themselves if needed (e.g., a school counsellor’s office).

• Include calming activities (e.g., deep breathing, muscle relaxation or mindfulness exercises) in the plan to reduce your child’s anxiety during the school day. 

• Help your child to stay in regular contact with their teachers and peers, as this may help with their return to school.

• Try to minimise any incentives for your child to stay home from school (e.g., access to computer/video games, social media and the internet).

• Work with the school staff to make sure your child feels welcomed.

• Work with the school to find ways to support your child in easing into class or the assembly area when they arrive at school.

• Try to support other goals your child may have (not related to school) to help build their sense of achievement.