Wellbeing News

Why striving for superiority can be detrimental

Being a School Counsellor of students in the VCE system often makes me think of how this culture or comparison and competition distorts our understanding of ourselves - and of others.

When our worth depends on being better, more accomplished, smarter, we never quite feel enough. There is always someone else to compare against. And that constant striving can be exhausting.

Students need to believe, and hear from their parents, that they are already enough.

This doesn’t mean that they stop growing or working hard or dreaming big. There is nothing of course wrong with striving towards what is good and meaningful. The problem comes when we strive from a place of fear or scarcity - when we think we have to be better than someone else in order to be ok.

As VCE pressure ramps up, it is important to assure students that their lives will be ok, even if they don’t hit their ideal ATAR.

When students know that they are already loved by their parents, already enough, they feel freer to pursue their goals. Not because they need to prove something, or compete with someone.

Their motivation becomes a different kind of striving - a striving for excellence, not superiority. And it comes from a place of peace, not fear.

Striving for superiority, rather than your personal best, can be detrimental in so many ways.

1. Undermines self-worth - Constantly comparing yourself to others undermines self-worth and leads to feelings of inadequacy.

1. Devalues achievements and relationships - When achievements are solely based on comparison, it diminishes their intrinsic value and can lead to a transactional view of relationships.

1. A competitive mindset breeds negativity and resentment

1. Leads to isolation and loneliness - Competition and comparison can hinder genuine connections and lead to social isolation. It becomes difficult to experience the joy and support that come from collaboration and genuine connection.

Instead of striving for superiority, it is more beneficial to focus on personal growth, excellence, and building strong relationships based on mutual support and appreciation.

With the intensity of VCE at this time of year, students will need to hear from parents that they are enough, and that they are loved, independent of an ATAR score. 

~ George Vlamakis (Student Wellbeing Coordinator)

george.vlamakis@jmss.vic.edu.au