Winter Book Club

Chapter 7:What is happening to boys? 

Haidt writes of Gen Z:

‘They are less able than any generation in history to put down roots in real-world communities populated by known individuals who will still be there a year later.

Communities are the social environment in which humans, and human childhood evolved. In contrast, children growing up after the Great Rewiring skip through multiple networks whose nodes are a mix of known and unknown people, some using aliases and avatars, many of whom will have vanished by next year, or perhaps tomorrow. Life in these networks is often a daily tornado of memes, fads, and ephemeral microdramas, played out among a rotating cast of millions of bit players. They have no roots to anchor them or nourish them; they have no clear set of norms to constrain them and guide them on the path to adulthood.’ (p. 194-195)

As I was reading this, the words of Genesis 2:18 rang in my ears, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ All of us are made for human connection. Our lives are enriched by having a circle of those we can trust and with whom we have a sense of belonging and connection.

Haidt argues that the impact of technology use on boys, while being less clear cut than on girls, has seen a drawing away from real-life interpersonal connections, to increased emphasis on virtual relationships. Real relationships are challenging, they take time to develop and have ups and downs. That is less the case with virtual relationships which are designed to make it easier to sustain. Recently the eSafety Commissioner warned about the increased use of sexbots among Australian teens. Haidt highlights that the significant impact this can have on the formation of positive, real-world relationships.

In this chapter, Haidt introduces two concepts. The first is the Japanese term, hikikomari, similar to the idea of ‘failure to launch’. It is also linked to the acronym, NEET (Not engaged in education, employment or training). This is a concern that is not solely connected to personal technology use. There are wider social factors at play, such as changes to the nature of work impacting more male-dominated industries. Housing costs also make it much harder for all young people to move towards independence. However, I have seen young men hide away from the real-world, absorbing themselves in the world of games, because they find social connections hard to establish and maintain. In one case, the parents sold the family home and moved in order to push their not-so-young adult son from the nest.

Haidt also introduces anomie, or ‘normlessness’. He draws on the work of sociologist Durkheim to explain that looser social norms and structures don’t result in greater freedom but can increase anxiety and uncertainty. One thing I have learned from working with children and teens is the critical importance of boundaries and positive expectations. They need to know where the limits are. Without a loving and firm hand to guide them, there is a greater chance that they will make poor choices.

Last week, I talked about what I wanted for my daughter, for my nieces and for the girls with whom I work. I have three young adult sons. I am grateful that each of them have healthy relationships. They are all making their way in the world, managing the challenges that are inevitable in life. They love the outdoors and being physically active. They are far from perfect but I thank God every day for them. I want boys and teens to grow to experience the richness of close relationships, to seek out and grab hold of opportunities and to enjoy the magnificent world around them. I want them to be brave and loving. Technology will be part of their lives but I don’t want it to be their life. The real world is so much better, even if it is a little messier.

Jodie Bennett

Principal