Deputy Principal's Report
Reframing What We Say: Focusing on What We Want Our Children to Do
It has been wonderful to see so many happy faces return this week. While I was on holiday, I came across an article discussing patterns in how we attempt to correct behaviour with our children. It made me reflect on the first few days of the break I experienced with my own children, and I realised that all I seemed to be doing was breaking up arguments and reminding them what "not" to do—a familiar pattern that you may have also encountered. It left me feeling drained, in a negative mood, and had very little impact on improving things.
As parents and teachers, one of our key roles is to guide our children through various learning experiences, including understanding appropriate behaviour. However, when we correct their behaviour, we often find ourselves focusing on what "not" to do. It’s easy to say, “Stop shouting,” or “Don’t run indoors.” But have you ever wondered if this approach really helps our children understand what we expect of them?
Research suggests that reframing our language to focus on the positive actions we want from our children, rather than what we want them to stop doing, is more effective in shaping their behaviour.
Why Positive Framing Works
Children, particularly younger ones, respond best to clear, actionable instructions. When we say, “Don’t run indoors,” their brain may latch onto the action of running, rather than the desired behaviour. By shifting the focus to what we "want" them to do—“Please walk inside”—we give them a clear, achievable goal.
This positive approach supports the development of self-regulation and decision-making. It helps children understand what behaviour is expected of them in different situations, making it easier for them to comply without feeling confused or reprimanded.
The Science Behind It
Experts in child psychology explain that children’s cognitive abilities are still developing, and they often process negative commands (like "don’t") more slowly than positive ones. When we focus on what we want them to do, we provide a clearer path for their developing minds to follow.
A study by the Journal of Child Development found that children who received positively framed instructions were more likely to exhibit desired behaviours than those who were told what not to do. This is because positively worded commands are easier to process and act on.
Examples of Positive Reframing
Instead of saying: - “Don’t shout.” Try: - “Please speak quietly.”
Instead of: - “Stop hitting your brother.” Try: - “Use gentle hands with your brother.”
Instead of: - “Don’t leave your toys on the floor.” Try: - “Please put your toys in the basket when you’re done.”
Encouraging Positive Behaviour
Reframing our language doesn’t just make it easier for children to understand us—it also nurtures a positive, supportive environment. When we focus on what we "want" them to do, we encourage a mindset of collaboration rather than conflict. Children are more likely to feel empowered to make good choices when they are given clear, positive guidance.
In addition to reframing commands, offering praise when your child follows through helps reinforce these positive behaviours. It builds confidence and encourages them to keep making those good choices.
By changing the way we correct behaviour, we can foster better communication with our children and support their ability to make good decisions. Next time you find yourself wanting to say "Stop doing that," take a moment to think about what you’d like to see instead—and say it! This small shift in language can make a big difference in how your child understands and responds to your guidance.
Thanks for all your support,
Peggy McDonald & Steele Anderson
Deputy Principals