Having Tough Conversations

There have been some tough and upsetting things that have happened in our community recently- our thoughts and prayers go out to anyone who has been closely impacted by these events. Please find links to helplines and resources at the bottom of this page if you need further information or support. The wellbeing team are also available to chat at the Wellbeing Hub during school days.

Children are naturally curious young people who are perceptive and aware of our reactions and conversations as they occur around them. Some of our students have been curious about death and the death of people in our community due to conversations they have heard and recent media coverage. If your child is asking questions or appears upset from things they have overheard or hear in the media, you are in the best place to help them make sense of the information in a developmentally appropriate way. This also creates open communication between yourself and your child, and they will learn that you will listen to them- a valuable connection to have before they become teenagers.

It’s a good idea to prepare some responses to topics you think your child may bring up. This way you’ll be prepared when a tough topic comes up.

Here are some tips from the Raising Children website to help you plan for difficult conversations with your child:

Think about whether telling your child is appropriate or not- it’s safe practice to protect them by choosing NOT to share scary or distressing information that they don’t need to know. If you do have to share the news of a family member’s death, try and tell the children yourself or if you are unable to be there, ask someone they know and feel safe with to be present.
Just like adults, children’s feelings when someone dies can range from sadness to anxiety and everything in between. And some children seem to accept death without showing a lot of emotion. Children don’t always have words to express emotions. They might need your help to understand, name and cope with their emotions.
If there’s time to plan ahead, choose a time when you’re both relaxed. If you can, choose a private and comfortable place to talk.
Be honest. For example, ‘Yes, Dad is going to live with Sam now. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore’.
Let your child know that they can ask you questions.
Really listen to your child after you’ve started the conversation. Make eye contact and get down to your child’s level. You might find it useful to say your child’s feelings back to them to check that you understand what they’re saying.
Use a past event to help your child understand a more recent one. For example, if you’re talking about the loss of a loved one- ‘Remember when Uncle Pete died and we didn’t see him anymore but we still remember him when go fishing at our special spot? We can remember ____ too and know that she/he is safe in heaven/the stars/at peace now.’
Be ready to comfort your child with plenty of cuddles if you need to.
Come back to the tough topic in a week if your child doesn’t raise it with you. Your child needs time to process what you’ve been talking about, but they might also need encouragement to talk about it again.

Sources:

1. https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/connecting-communicating/tough-topics/tough-topics

2. https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/connecting-communicating/death-grief/death-how-to-talk-about-it

Further Information/Support:

Lifeline- 131 114, 7 days, 24 hours
13 YARN (Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander support)
139 276, 7 days, 24 hours
1800 RESPECT (National Sexual Assault Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service)
1800 737 732, 7 days, 24 hours
Beyond Blue Support Service
1300 224 636, 7 days, 24 hours
Parentline Victoria
132 289, 7 days, 8 am-12 am

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