From the Memory Box 

Issue No 20

We were walking down the high street, one day after work, a colleague and good friend of mine – a fellow principal. I was waiting for the right moment, goodness knows whenever that was, to confront my friend with the evidence that he had betrayed a confidence, one that involved a piece of gossip I had shared with him concerning another colleague of ours. The gossip I had shared was harmless, nonetheless, it had not been verified as true and was indeed inaccurate as things panned out. Suffice to say, I was made well aware by that colleague that gossiping about them was in no-one’s best interest – least of all mine in this instance.

So, I waited for the right moment. That seemed like an eternity at the time. Some of that can be attributed to conflicting strong emotions – anger and disappointment mixed with fear. It is uncomfortable confronting a person with whom you share a friendship with the news that you are disappointed in them over an issue relating to gossip. The moment came and I struck; my lines already well-rehearsed. To my utter surprise, when challenged, my friend simply patted me on the back, smiled and said, “You should know, I can’t keep a secret. Don’t tell me anything you don’t want retold to others.”

I’m rarely speechless, as those who know me well can readily attest, but this time I was. All I could say was, “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I thought you would have known that,” he replied.

Gossip – we all do it and do so in full knowledge of the age-old adage – If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Nonetheless, there’s more to gossip than the adage implies. Generally speaking, people view gossip as negative, of a rumour-mongering nature and somewhat destructive; the grist of tabloid scoops. However, research paints a different portrait. As Megan Robbins, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside says, “It’s something that comes very naturally to us - an integral part of conversation, information sharing and even community building.”

Gossip need not be negative adds David Ludden, professor of psychology at Georgia Gwinnett College, USA. From a 2019 meta-analysis, Ludden found only about 15% of conversations analysed were deemed negative, with just 9% identified as positive. Mostly therefore, gossip was neutral. Why do we gossip? A variety of theories abound, most lead to positive conclusions focused on communication, bonding and social cohesion.

This begs the question – is gossip unfairly maligned? In many cases it is, according to research – various studies have found benefits such as gossip activating more activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is the key to our ability to navigate complex social behaviours. This in addition, to the finding that when a subject heard about another person’s anti-social behaviour or injustice, their heart rates increased. When they were able to actively gossip about the person, or the situation, on the other hand, it soothed them and brought their heart rates down. Matthew Feinberg, an assistant professor of organisational behaviour at the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management explains, “The act of gossiping, helps calm the body.”

Those that gossip without any regard for the facts, or do so with hurt in mind, are generally found out and consequently are prone to being treated guardedly in conversation by associates. On the other hand, some see gossipers’ capacity to disseminate information readily as useful, and act accordingly. 

I’ve never thought of running discussion groups on re-imaging how we view gossip, those who gossip and harnessing its best version in the workplace. Quite the contrary. That would take a degree of counter-intuitive reasoning, given the largely taken-for-granted frowning that talk of gossip inspires. It would also be a form of risk-taking, but one which inspires thought of a common-place cliché – Nothing ventured, nothing gained.