Blackburn Primary School Weekly

Wellbeing

with Lisa Osborne

Honesty and Integrity

If you were to ask my kids what is one of our family values they would tell you that I talk a lot about the importance of honesty and integrity, they know if they lie they get double the consequences. Like any family values it is something we aspire to but don't always get right.  Honesty is about being truthful in what we say and do and having integrity means doing what is right even when no one is watching, having strong moral principles and being consistent with them. These words roll of the tongue but to actually live them out ourselves and teach our kids how to live them out is a different matter.

 

As parents or carers we are by definition role models. Kids are sponges and they absorb what we say and what we do as a guide for how they speak, behave and treat others. If each of us were honest with ourselves and reflected on our own lives, and asked the hard question, "Am I an honest person, do I live a life of integrity", what would your answer be? When you are not honest, it can erode trust, damage relationships, lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety, and potentially have negative consequences in various aspects of life, including your personal and professional relationships. 

 

So how do we teach our kids to live lives of honesty and integrity? Following are some suggestions that I gathered from Lydia Kaiser in her article, "How to teach kids about honesty", while researching, but there are lots of resources we can tap into.

 

1. Always Tell the Truth

One of the most important aspects of integrity is telling the truth. Commit to start right now with a household policy that 100% truthfulness is required at all times, of everyone in the family. This includes never asking your kids to lie for you around others and always telling them the truth ourselves. We need to let them see us be honest, even when it’s hard or we have to face consequences. In fact, use the struggle to tell the truth as a teaching moment to explain that, while you confess it crossed your mind to not be completely honest in this situation because of fear, in the end, you chose honesty and you’re glad you did.

 

2. Be Open about Mistakes

Always be honest with your kids and others when you make a mistake or mess something up. It’s easy to cover up a mistake and hope no one notices — especially with our kids because they might not be as aware. But if you want to teach your kids about honesty and set a good example, it’s far better in the long run to point out your mistakes and how you dealt with them. Big mistakes or small, help kids see that it wasn’t the end of the world, people forgave us when we apologized, and it made us feel much better to be completely open in our relationships. Acting like we’re perfect only causes people to not feel emotionally safe with us.

 

3. Reward Honest Behavior

One of the best ways to teach kids about honesty is through positive reinforcement. Whenever you see kids act with honesty when it would have been easier to lie, reward that honesty by placing more emphasis on their decision to be honest and confess their mistake, rather than the mistake itself. Thank them, and while you may still need to have consequences for their mistake, help alleviate those consequences wherever possible to make the child glad they enlisted your help, rather than choosing to cover up their actions. Talk through how much better things went with honesty, rather than deception, and praise their good character. Whenever a child chooses honesty, do all you can to turn that negative experience into a positive one!

 

4. Apologise when you're wrong.

It’s always hard to admit when we’re wrong, but apologies demonstrate being able to look at ourselves honestly and then be honest with others. That’s why, when apologizing, it’s important to actually name the offense, and then take personal responsibility by using the word “I”, instead of talking like something just happened on its own.

Being a parent means that your kids look up to you, but that doesn’t mean you have to be perfect all the time (no one is!). One of the best ways you can teach kids honesty, is by practicing it yourself, admitting when you’ve made a mistake, and saying sorry.

 

5. Teach kids to show honesty through evidence.

Another way you can teach kids about honesty is by teaching them to back up what they say and do with evidence. For example, if you send your child into the store with money to purchase something, send them in with the expectation to return with the receipt and correct change. Explain that this isn’t because you don’t trust them, but rather that you’re trying to help them to build an important habit. Explain that by providing evidence when possible, you can build trust with others faster by helping them to not have to wonder if everything is above board. When gathering evidence for your words and actions becomes second nature, not only will you make less unintentional mistakes, you’ll also nurture trust and honesty in relationships.

 

 

Feel free to reach out anytime if you or your child need support or help accessing resources. Together lets keep building and strengthening our own and our kids characters.

 

Lisa Osborne

lisa.osborne@education.vic.gov.au

Ph:0409559059