College Counsellor

Resilient Kids Are Problem Solving Kids

By Tiana Flint, Wellbeing Support Officer

Since beginning my student wellbeing role, I keep hearing the term resilience. So, I’ve immersed myself in this concept to try and work out exactly why resilience is important (especially in kids and teens) and what the best-known strategies are to build it in kids.

As parents, teachers and carers of young people we naturally want to protect our children from discomfort and uncertainty. Yet some of the most important life skills are developed when children learn how to navigate challenges for themselves. Resilience helps children face difficulties and grow stronger through life’s ups and downs.

What I am learning is that resilient kids are problem solvers. When kids face unfamiliar or tough situations, the need arises to pause and analyse the situation, process the feeling of uncertainty and move towards finding a good solution. When kids step into a situation and have a sense that they can figure out what they need to do and can handle what is thrown at them they grow in confidence and the ability to face similar situations in the future. In other words, resilience.

Here are a few practical ways we can encourage resilience in our children:

• Allow age-appropriate independence – Giving children opportunities to try new things, make decisions and take healthy risks builds confidence and problem-solving skills.
• Don’t provide all the answers – Rather than immediately fixing problems for our children, encourage them to think through possible solutions and next steps. Rather than tell them what to do try asking “What’s your plan? What could your next step be?”
• Let them make mistakes – Failure and disappointment are not the end of the story. They help children learn perseverance and growth. You could try saying “that didn’t end the way you thought or planned, did it? What could we do differently next time?”
• Help children manage emotions – Teach children that all emotions are valid. Sometimes we feel angry, disappointed or sad. Help them identify what they are feeling while also guiding them toward healthy responses and choices.
•  Avoid catastrophising – The way adults speak about situations matters and kids will feed off your tone, facial expression, and reaction. Calm, hopeful language helps children approach challenges with confidence rather than fear.
• Model resilience ourselves – Children learn by watching the adults around them. Admitting mistakes, staying calm under pressure and trusting God through difficulties all provide powerful examples. 

Thinking about the topic of resilience has caused me to marvel again at God and his word. We can always look to Him when things are hard and find timeless wisdom that aligns beautifully with today’s research and recommendations. The Bible tells us that resilience is not about never struggling, but when we do, we can trust that God is growing us in ways that are good for us.

James 1:2-4 to “consider it pure joy brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”