College Counsellor

When Someone Isn't OK

The following is from Dr Justin Coulson’s One-Minute Wellbeing and is used with permission. Find out more at www.happyfamilies.com.au

When someone hints that they’re struggling – that they’re not really “okay” – it can

be challenging to know what to say. Often, well-meaning but clumsy statements like

“you’ll be okay” slip out. While our intentions are good, this rarely provides the comfort

needed. Offering advice might seem like a natural response, but people who are

struggling often don’t want advice right away. It’s usually better to save this for later.

Instead, try the following:

1. Express gratitude: “Thank you for letting me know.”

2. Validate their feelings: “Things can be really rough sometimes.”

3. Listen: “I’m here, and I’m listening.”

4. Offer support: “If there’s anything at all I can do, what would it be?” or even

better, “I think I can help. Are you open to...? (and make a specific offer of

support, like a meal or a regular catch-up).”

If someone is in real danger, don’t hesitate to call Lifeline at 13 11 14.

Let’s talk about it!

▶ How can we create a supportive environment where our students (and family and friends) feel comfortable sharing when they’re not okay?

▶ What are some ways we can practice and improve our responses to someone

who indicates they are struggling to ensure they feel heard and validated?

▶ Can you think of an experience where you supported someone who was

struggling? What did you say or do that made a positive impact?