Be Kind, Be safe, Be respectful, Be responsible, Be resilient, Be ready

Dear Parents

Hopefully, one of the pet ‘hates’ of parents would be posters in sports stores that proclaim messages such as:

“Failure is not an option, winning is what matters”

Or

“Whoever comes second is the first loser.”

Might have a negative effect on children of course, adults would quickly realise that the non-winners or losers associated with such posters are the authors who have failed to understand the purpose of participation. However, such statements might have negative effects on children. If expectations are too great, children can be afraid of facing disappointment after they have put a great deal of effort into an endeavor.

In his book, “Will You Still Love Me if I Don’t Win?” Christopher Anderson makes the distinction between negative and positive competition: Negative competition occurs when a child competes for self-worth and value as a person. Positive competition is the result of children competing to discover their talents, and inner strengths such as determination, patience, and graciousness. The sentiment is supported by this extract from a poem:

“Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others;

It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important.

Only you know what is best for you.

The last thing we want children to be concerned about is the fear of failure or not living up to their last success. This is why in whatever endeavor they might undertake, children need their parents’ love approval, acceptance, and a sense of security whatever the outcome.

Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other….

As parents, we should always respect a child's emotional nature and care enough to understand and relate to what they are feeling, not just to what they are thinking.

To show respect teaches a child to respect others and helps build relationship skills.

Children need to be allowed to feel their negative feelings such as anger, sadness, and loss, in a safe constructive way so as to work through the experience, survive it, and move on. Children need to learn how to handle success and failure with grace, style, and dignity.

“Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.”- Author Unknown

Often, the example that is put before us by professionals is not always to benefit of ‘good example’; nor is the attitude expressed by their supporters. In our parental role, we need to take care that we don't fall in with the ‘crowd and a society that does not always value feelings.

Thank you and keep smiling

Cathy

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