Recovering From Emotional Depletion 

Leading a school is a deeply rewarding but often emotionally draining role. From managing difficult conversations to supporting staff and students through challenging times, the emotional toll can quietly accumulate. Modern leadership demands that you not only lead others but also actively prioritize your own emotional recovery. This isn't a luxury; it's essential for your well-being and your sustained capacity to lead effectively.

To navigate the emotional demands of school leadership and maintain your effectiveness long-term, integrate these three proven practices into your routine:

1. Reflect: Make Meaning from Difficult Experiences

When faced with emotionally taxing moments, your natural inclination might be to just "power through." However, ignoring or suppressing your emotions leads to accumulated stress, reactivity, and potential health issues down the line. Reflection helps you process and understand your experiences.

• Pause and Ask Yourself: After a challenging event or day, take a few minutes to consider:
  • "What am I feeling?"
  • "Where do I feel it in my body?"
  • "What are these emotions trying to tell me?"

  • "What do they reveal about what truly matters to me?"

     

• Acknowledge Without Judgment: Accept all your feelings, even the uncomfortable ones like frustration or anxiety. They offer valuable insights into your values, needs, and limits.

   

• Process Your Thoughts:
  • Write it down: Journaling for even a few minutes can help create space between you and your emotions, allowing for deeper understanding and purposeful next steps.
  • Talk it out: Share your experiences with a trusted colleague, mentor, or peer. Social support is crucial for processing difficult events, building resilience, and preventing burnout.

2. Reframe: Shift Your Perspective

Reframing involves looking at emotionally taxing experiences from a different angle to find new meaning or possibility. This isn't about ignoring the difficulty but about reducing distress and freeing up cognitive resources.

• Seek Silver Linings and Growth: After a tough situation, ask yourself:
  • "What are the possible silver linings in this situation?"
  • "What are the potential long-term benefits despite the short-term costs?"
  • "How can I grow from this, or use it to build something better in the future?"
  • Shifting your narrative can change your emotional state, providing new energy and insight.
  •  
• Practise Self-Compassion: Leadership often involves making difficult decisions ("necessary evils") that can leave you feeling anxious or questioning yourself. In these moments, treat yourself as you would a struggling friend:
  • Acknowledge the challenge.
  • Recognise that anyone in your position might feel the same way.
  • Respond with kindness instead of self-criticism. Self-compassion enhances emotional intelligence, composure, and resilience, and it increases the compassion you show to others.

3. Restore: Replenish Your Emotional Reserves

Pushing through emotionally difficult events without dedicated recovery time depletes your emotional and physical reserves, leading to exhaustion and impacting your mood, health, and effectiveness. Just like athletes need rest, leaders need to replenish.

• Understand the Recovery Paradox: When you need a break most, you're often least likely to take one. Be intentional about scheduling recovery.
• Engage in Effective Recovery Activities: It's not just about time off; it's about the quality of your recovery activities. Focus on these four types:
  • Detachment: Give your mind a true break from work. Avoid checking emails or replaying the workday in your head outside of school hours.
  • Relaxation: Incorporate calming moments, such as taking a walk without your phone, listening to music, or spending time outdoors.
  • Mastery: Engage in activities that challenge you positively and are unrelated to your role, like a new hobby or learning a new skill.
  • Control: Protect pockets of time where you choose what to do, even if it means saying "no" to an additional commitment.

By intentionally investing in these recovery practices, you not only reset in the short term but also build the emotional resilience needed to handle future challenges with greater steadiness and strength. Your team needs you to be effective and sustainable for the long haul.

Dina Denham Smith: “Leading is Emotionally Draining. Here’s How to Recover” in Harvard Business Review, July 2025.