Principal's Ponderings

Walking With Our Children Through the Wilderness of Adolescence

There are moments when watching a show like Adolescence on Netflix feels like peering into a window we didn’t want opened. It’s raw, it’s confronting, and it doesn’t tie things up with a neat, moral bow. It is awful to sit through and watch. The series is, in many ways, disturbing, not because it glamourises brokenness, but because it reveals it. Teenagers caught in identity crises. Families living in quiet disconnection. Deep wounds covered by shallow conversation. And somewhere in the mix, an aching question: Is this really what young people are walking through today?

The truth is, yes, in many ways, it is.

As parents, carers, and educators, we sometimes shy away from this kind of realism. It is easier to stick with positive narratives, to speak only of triumphs, and to shield ourselves and our children (teens), from the discomfort of reality. But Adolescence pulls us out of that comfort zone. It reminds us that behind every slammed door, every sarcastic comment, every withdrawn silence from a teenager, there may be a deeper story unfolding. One they might not even have words for yet.

The series isn’t easy to watch. It stirs up a wrestle inside us. Should I let my child watch this? Should I watch it myself? Should I turn it off because it’s just too much?

And yet, somewhere within that discomfort, for me I felt prompted and heard: Don’t look away. Step closer. Our teenagers need you to see this.

What if the answer isn’t retreating in fear, but rising with courage? What if God is calling us not to hover over our children with more rules, tighter boundaries, or louder lectures but instead to stand beside them, look them in the eye, and say, “I see you. I’m here. Let’s walk through this together.”

As followers of Jesus, we are not called to pretend that life is tidy, because it isn't. We are called to be present, real, and honest. Jesus Himself never avoided the mess. Jesus walked into homes full of pain. He touched the untouchable. He knelt beside the broken. He didn’t flinch in the face of darkness, He brought light into it. He walked with grace and forgiveness, not judgement and condemnation.

So what if we did the same with our teens?

What if instead of pushing them away with rigid discipline, we invited them into conversations marked by grace and truth? What if we made it a priority not just to correct, but to connect?

Rules matter. Boundaries matter. But relationship, ongoing, intentional, grace-filled relationship, matters more. Trust.

The teens portrayed in Adolescence are not so different from the young people we know. They are longing for purpose, belonging, and identity. They are wrestling with temptation, pressure, and fear. Some are angry because they’ve been hurt. Others are numb because no one ever taught them how to feel.

They don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones.

They need us to stop pretending everything is fine when it’s not. They need us to stop hiding behind the façade of “having it all together.” They need us to share our own stories of struggle and surrender, to invite them into the journey of faith, not as something we’ve mastered, but something we’re still walking.

The Bible reminds us in James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” That’s not just good advice, it’s a framework for parenting teens. Before we speak into their lives, we need to listen. Before we discipline, we need to understand. Before we assume, we need to ask.

And above all, we need to pray. Pray with them. Pray for them. Let them see that our strength doesn’t come from our authority, it comes from our dependence on Jesus.

So if you find yourself wrestling while watching Adolescence, let that wrestle turn into resolve.

Don’t turn away from the struggle our young people are facing. Walk toward it. Let it awaken a holy calling in you, not to control them, but to companion them. Not to fix them, but to be with them.

Because in the end, that’s what Jesus does for us. He doesn’t ignore our mess. He enters it. He loves us not when we’ve cleaned ourselves up, but when we’re still stumbling, questioning, and figuring it out.

May we be the kind of adults who reflect that same love. May our homes and schools be places where teenagers are not feared or dismissed, but seen, heard, and deeply loved.

And may our response to the cry of this generation be, “We’re not going anywhere. We’re walking with you. You are not alone.”

A prayer: 

Lord Jesus,

Thank You for entrusting us with the care and nurture of the next generation.

You see the hearts of our teenagers, their struggles, questions, dreams, and fears.

Help us not to look away from their pain or rush past their moments of silence.

Teach us to listen deeply, speak gently, and love consistently.

When we feel overwhelmed, remind us that You are our strength.

When we are unsure of what to say, help us lead with presence more than perfection.

May our homes, classrooms, and hearts be safe spaces of honesty and grace.

May our lives point them not to fear, but to You, the One who walks with us in every season.

In Your mighty and compassionate name we pray,

Amen.

Shalom shalom,

Chad Smit