STUDENT WELLBEING

"H.A.L.T – ANGRY"

My son talks about ‘bad’ animals. Guess which ones he is referencing?

Lions, tigers, gorillas… basically, ones that can badly hurt you or want to eat you!

Unfortunately, I think that anger can be seen this way too. Because anger can cause a person to hurt themselves or others, it receives the label: bad. This is not true and can create stigma for people, to the point where they never learn to navigate their anger. 

For examples sake, to say, ‘don’t be angry when something goes wrong’ is no different than saying, ‘don’t be happy when things are working out well for you’. Sounds silly, right? Emotions are supposed to be felt, but managing them is vitally important. 

When our kids are angry, they are not wrong. But their anger reveals that something is wrong.

Here are some valid reasons that anger might be present for someone:

• I am in danger.

• I am hurt.

• I am confused.

• I am stressed.

• I am overwhelmed.

• I cannot control my circumstances.

• I am scared.

• I have been unfairly treated.

When people are angry, they go into self-protective mode. When they receive help, they can find other ways to protect themselves that doesn’t endanger themselves or others.

How is it that we can help them with this?

• The earlier anger is recognised, the easier it is to manage. Helping kids to see what happens to their bodies when they get angry, so they can identify the emotion.

   

• Framing anger. Stating that it is ok to be angry, but not hurt yourself or anybody else.

   

• Ask, are you angry? If yes, follow with: what is making you angry? Then, hear, validate, normalise the anger. Expressing an emotion verbally can be really helpful. ‘I hate that person!’ can change to, ‘I am so angry at that person because…’

When our kids learn to do this themselves, it helps them to see what triggers them and what they might need to feel their anger, and yet manage it well.