Parties, gatherings and sleepovers are key events in adolescents’ social lives and play an important role in developing the necessary social skills they need for effective peer relationships. We only have to reflect on our own adolescence or look to movies to realise these help to develop and maintain social currency within friendship groups.
However, the onset of your child wanting to host or attend parties calls for some significant conversations. Reaching a common understanding about expectations, boundaries and consequences before attending or hosting parties needs to be achieved to ensure maximum enjoyment and safety for everyone involved. On SchoolTV, A guide to safe partying provides some strategies for parents. However, for this article, I have collated top tips and wisdom from parents within our Mount Alvernia community with lived experience to help you with your decision making. Thanks very much to all who contributed their wisdom.
Hosting Party Tips
Attending Party Tips
Have one entrance/exit to your party and lock areas of the home not to be accessed during the event.
Have an adult at the entrance/exit with a guest list to ensure only invited guests attend.
As a courtesy, always alert neighbours of the party’s start and finish time.
Escort guest to their pick-up.
Have a code word your child can text you if they need an early pick-up because they are not safe or well. This could be your cue to ring your child to advise you need to pick them up because of a family emergency (this minimises embarrassment for your child).
Make contact with the parents hosting the party prior to the event. This is the opportunity to ask about whether alcohol will be present, who else is attending, what adult supervision will be present, and is the party staying in the one venue/location?
Have very clear and definite arrangements about pick-ups e.g. :
* negotiate a mutually agreed time for pick up (this can be extended over time as more trust, respect for rules and independence is demonstrated);
* no ubers, taxis, or walking home
* if your child is going home with other parents, liaise directly with them well in advance of the party.
Ensure your mobile phone is fully charged and accessible. Let your child know they can phone you at any time and you will pick them up – no questions asked.
Feed your child before attending a party.
Rehearse conversations for your child to say “No” to alcohol or other unsafe behaviours e.g. “I would love to, but I start work at 8am tomorrow morning.”
Trust your gut. If you do not feel the party is safe or right for you, be prepared to be the ‘world’s worst parent’ and protect your child from potential harm by saying “No”.
Other tips:
Encourage your child to have a wide range of interests so that their social life does not always revolve around parties.
For any occasion, instil in your children to ‘stay with mates’ and look out for each other.
When negotiating terms/conditions, try the walk and talk or drive and talk technique (it minimises the tension and intensity). The conversation might sound like this: “Ok, I’m listening to what you want and then you’re listening to me. Then we will talk about what might be possible. We both have to keep an open mind and be considerate. If you get cranky, we won’t be able to reach agreement.”
Know your boundaries and know that it is okay to take time to make your decision, especially when your comfort zone is stretched. You might like to try: “I appreciate you asking me, but I need some time to think about this. I will get back to you, but I will probably have some questions as well.” When the proposal is way beyond your comfort zone, feel free to say, “Think again!”
Speak with your child about the ethical and legal use of mobile phones for photographing and/or videoing people and events at the party.
And so, as the party season of end-of-year break-ups, Christmas and New Year parties, or a party for any other reason emerges, best wishes to your child celebrating safely and joyfully.
