Pastoral Care Worker News
How do we discipline children so that they will behave, make good decisions and be a productive member of society? What is the difference between Discipline and Punishment?
Punishment such as smacking may stop a behaviour in the short term, but it does not teach the child a better way of behaving. It can cause anger, hurt or fear in a child and that is not a good way to foster a positive relationship with your child. Children’s behaviour can be tricky! One of my sons had ADHD and so I have an understanding of difficult behaviours in a child. One of the best strategies I was given by a Psychologist was a Behaviour Modification chart which consisted of rewarding ‘Good choices and Behaviour’ based around morning and afternoon routines. It worked really well and I have often talked to parents about implementing this.
Making ‘strong’ or ‘weak’ choices, is language that we use at school and so your child will understand this wording. We may also say something like, “Are you able to be the boss of your feelings, or do I have to be the boss?” This gives the child a little bit of breathing space so that they can hopefully calm down by themselves. This language comes from “Play is the Way” which we implement at our school.
Whatever type of discipline you decide is best for your family, the main thing is to have rules that are achievable by your child and easy to understand. Rules and Consequences should be clear to everyone in the household. I wonder if any of you have a Family meeting? It can be a good way to set out expectations and allow the children to also have input. Often their rules are stricter than ours. We made up a large Poster at our house and the children decorated it, which was fun and made them feel a part of the process.
Giving Consequences is perhaps the best way to discipline your children. They can be natural consequences eg. If they have left their teddy out in the rain, then it is likely to be ruined. Or if they refuse to wear a raincoat, then it’s likely they will get wet walking to school. Other consequences are based around what happens when they break a house rule that is set by you, such as if they break something, then they need to share in the cost of replacement. Or if they have “attitude” then they need to go in Time out to calm down and have a think about their behaviour.
The main thing to remember is that discipline is about teaching and learning and that all children need boundaries so that they can understand your expectations. Your child needs boundaries and rules. It makes them feel safe.
Belittling a child will build up shame based behaviours and feelings, so it is good not to use that as a form of discipline. Most children know when they have done the wrong thing anyway, so directing them to good and strong choices may just do the trick to turn them around.
I hope that has been helpful.
Parent Afternoon Tea
The Conference Room will be open every Friday from 2.30pm for Afternoon Tea. So come out of the cold and have a hot beverage and a piece of cake. I would love to meet you in there for a chat. Everyone is very welcome.
Every Blessing.
Cherie Love, Pastoral Care Worker
