Student Wellbeing

Screen Time: From Tuning In to Turning Towards

Personal devices are changing the way couples and families interact. It’s especially true for families with young children and teens. 

Recently, an ABC News report engaged a camera crew to record families in their homes, to help them understand the actual amount of time they spent on phones, tablets, or laptops. 

One poignant moment was when the subject family watched old home movies of their family life before everyone had a smartphone. They all talked about missing the fun they had playing together outside. The laughter in the videos was infectious. 

In contrast, a video of a scene from their current life showed the entire family sitting in the living room practically silent. Every member of the family was engrossed in their own device. Few, if any, words were exchanged. Even the family dog wandered from person to person attempting to get some attention without much success. 

Below are the key tips about families and screen time that came out of this research project.

Have a weekly family meeting

Schedule a weekly family meeting to set screen time limits that seem fair to everyone. And use the meetings to evaluate how those agreements are working out. 

Allow everyone to weigh in on the conversation

While it is the parents’ responsibility to ultimately set the limits, children often respond best when they have a voice in the conversation.

Agree on some simple things

Begin small and perhaps agree to have some time when everyone is to be without phones or screens, such as family dinner. 

Make memories as a family

Plan weekend activities that are interactive and fun for everyone. 

Use social media to connect with each other

Technology doesn’t need to be the enemy of connection. Try sending each other daily text messages as a way of connecting. Or share links of interesting or funny videos or social media posts.

Be kind to each other

If there’s a conflict, or the screen time plan doesn’t seem to be working, take a deep breath, be kind to each other, and begin again—without criticism, defensiveness, or contempt. Sometimes it takes a few attempts to work out a compromise, so be patient with each other through this process.

Validate your child’s feelings

If a time limit is agreed upon and your child goes into meltdown or rage when the time limit has been reached, validate their feelings. “You seem (angry or disappointed) about the screen time limit. Tell me what’s upsetting you.” If they respond by saying that this is unfair, then suggest that they bring it up at the next family meeting. If they agreed to it during the first family meeting remind them of this. Then ask, “Since this is the way it is right now, what would you like to do instead?” Empathize but don’t back down or capitulate. Make sure that the consequences of that behavior have been discussed ahead of time. 

Technology is here to stay, so find ways to use it to enhance your family relationships. In addition, recognise the potential for isolation technology presents so you can take steps to avoid those traps. 

As a parent, take the lead in finding the balance between tuning in to screens and turning towards each other.

This article has been edited from an article that can be found at this web address.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/screentime-from-tuning-in-to-turning-towards/

If you would like to get in touch with The School Counsellor at St. James, feel free to call me on 9575 8128 or email at gvlamakis@sjcbe.catholic.edu.au

George Vlamakis

Student Counsellor