The GO's Column

May is Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month

Let’s all develop our understanding and awareness of the issues and available support services.

Regardless of the role we play within our family, school or community, we each have a pivotal role in teaching young people the importance of respect. We can all benefit from opportunities to build the skills to better establish and maintain safe and healthy relationships.

Young people who are well informed about relationships and socially appropriate behaviours are more likely to engage in positive and healthy relationships. They have a greater level of self-awareness and are thereby less vulnerable if exposed to possible exploitation or abuse. They are also less likely to standby and allow the inappropriate behaviours of others. Young people are learning to become empowered by calling out unacceptable behaviours.

Schools do not simply teach academics; they also provide a safe environment that serves to put an end to violence against women, men and children. Our school teaches our students to support a culture of change. A culture that does not accept any form of violence against another. We are working together to support our young people with the knowledge and skills to engage in healthy, equal and respectful relationships.

By having regular conversations about what positive, happy and equal relationships look like, you help your child build self-respect and learn to be respectful to others. These conversations will assist in building your child's social-emotional skills so they can successfully:

• engage positively with others
• develop a positive sense of self and resilience
• identify and respond appropriately to their own emotions and those of others
• accept and resolve differences respectfully
• challenge stereotypes
• understand consent and know how to seek help
• be confident in challenging unacceptable behaviours they see
• build relationships that are based on equality and respect.

By building these personal and social skills and creating a culture of respect, issues such as domestic, family and sexual violence and all forms of violence or abuse, discrimination and harassment are less likely to occur.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing any form of domestic or family violence please contact:

• DVConnect 1800 811 811
• 1800 Respect
• Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support) 13 11 14

Why it’s Important to Listen to our Children

Taking the time to really listen to our children shows them that we care. It shows them that they are valued and worth listening to. Making a point of listening to our children is one of the most valuable things we can do.

Children need to learn to share their thoughts and feelings, to practice putting ideas into words, to explore their feelings, and develop self-confidence. It also allows us to better understand how they think and feel, and what they need.

We can build healthy relationships, emotional intelligence and greater resilience in our young ones, simply by listening.

Being a young person has always been a challenging time. In the digital age, the challenges are greater and more complex. As teens work to make sense of the world around them, they are becoming more independent and less reliant on parents. Your child may appear as more confident and grown-up on the outside but often remain very self-conscious and unsure underneath. The hormonal changes lead to an emotional imbalance and at times, a lack of judgment, leading to impulsive behaviours and poor decisions. They need sensitive adult support, guidance and understanding. We can give them this by being patient and listening when they need us.

When our young person is acting stand-offish and dismissive, it can be tempting to take it personally. It is important to be aware that this is often just part of ‘normal’ adolescent behaviour. It’s important to be patient, stop what you are doing and listen to them seriously when the opportunity arises.

How to be a Good Listener…

Show interest.

Ask open-ended questions that begin with ‘How’, ‘Why’ or ‘What do you think / feel about …’ This might encourage longer answers than ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.

Show respect by listening to their ideas thoughtfully.

Respect their need for space and time alone.

Feel privileged when a young person shares a problem with you: Offer ideas but help them to come up with their own solutions. Avoid being bossy. It is tempting to ask a question, then jump in with what you think or want to be the right answer! Offer young people your opinion, guidance and support but also respect their ideas. Allow for silences. If young people don’t reply immediately, just leave the conversation open. They may come back to you later. Be patient and find the right moment.

Notice when a young person is more likely to talk. Suggest going out for coffee/ go for a walk to get some one-on-one time together.

Encourage family discussions where everybody’s views are invited and respected, however different.

Build in family get-together times. BBQs, picnics, bushwalks or once-a-week family dinners are good opportunities for relaxed talk.

If you think your young person has a problem they would rather discuss with another adult, don’t be offended: Ask them who else could help or suggest another adult that both of you respect.

Get to know their friends. Suggest they bring friends home and spend some time chatting with them. Friends are often happy to talk to other people’s parents. It might encourage your young person to open up more with you.

Let them know you are there. No matter how independent they may seem young people need to know you are there for them, even if you don’t always agree.

Remember: Sometimes parents or carers need to over-rule a young person. If you have shown in the past that you respect their opinions, young people will be more likely to accept your decisions on matters.

If you would like further information to support your parenting, the school guidance officer is a good resource or call Parentline Qld 1300 30 1300.