Wellbeing

Growing around grief Grief is something that we all experience - it happens when we lose something or someone that was important to us - this can be a loss of a friendship or relationship, a death of someone close, parents separating. And we all respond differently to it - there is no one way to experience it, and we don't just “get over it” we grow around it. 

Grief is like a new housemate that moves in to your house when you experience loss. 

At first it feels like they are living in your bedroom - leaving dishes laying around, clothes thrown about everywhere, they move the furniture without asking, take your stuff and returns it to the wrong place - it feels like they are everywhere - it feels overwhelming, your room doesn't feel like your own and nothing feels right. Everything they do makes you mad, or sad, or stops you from doing the things you need or want to do because it feels like it's always there. 

Over time, the grief will not be as noticeable; there will be some days when you don't notice it. And some days it might take you by surprise and feel like you can't get away from it, and you might feel all the emotions again. This can feel really hard because you thought it had gone but instead it had created a bit more space around your house. It hasn't gone or gotten smaller; it's just giving you a bit more space. 

As more time goes on, you learn to live with grief a bit more, you come to expect it around the house, and you learn to live with it. Sometimes it will still surprise you and do something to impact your day, but overall, you manage to live alongside it and pay attention to it as needed. 

Grief never moves out; it never gets smaller but with time our ability to manage it and go throughout daily life without it impacting us gets easier. We learn to live with it and accept it.

Things to do to help us grow around grief:

 • Be Kind to Yourself: It’s okay to have good and bad days.

• Write or Draw: Use a journal, draw pictures, or listen to music to show your feelings. 

• Look After Your Body: Eat healthy food, stay active, and try to sleep well. 

• Stick to Routines: Keep doing things you enjoy, like playing sports or seeing friends. 

But sometimes it doesn't feel like we are growing around our grief, and sometimes we need someone to talk to, to help us get used to this new ‘housemate’ in our life, and it's important to ask for help. If you are experiencing grief and you:

 • You feel stuck and can’t move forward. 

• Your feelings are too strong to handle.

• You’re not eating, sleeping, or doing your normal activities. 

• You experience recurring nightmares or worries. 

• Your grief affects school and your relationships. 

• You’re thinking about hurting yourself. 

Reach out to someone and let them know that you need a bit of extra support or someone to talk to. Don’t go through it alone, reach out! 

People you can talk to:

 • Friends

 • Parents 

• Teachers

 • School counsellors 

• Kids helpline (24/7 support - 1800 55 1800) • Headspace (1800 650 890) 

Even if you are not going through grief yourself, you can take note of these signs in our friends and loved ones when we recognise these signs and ask them if they are okay

Wellbeing Team

St Peter's College