Student Wellbeing
Finding the Off Switch for Kids Who Constantly Worry
Rumination is the ruination of a peaceful mind. Here's how to help your child (and you) tune out from their worries.
Michael Grose Parenting Toolbox michaelgrose@substack.com Apr 02, 2025
1. Broaden their vision.
Kids get tunnel vision when they worry. (Their reptilian brain ensures they focus on imminent danger. However, it can’t distinguish between a coming math test and a prowling tiger.)
They can’t see the bigger picture.
For instance, a young person may fret over minor work matters, such as getting the exact font match for an assignment, and neglecting to get the sleep necessary for good learning the next day.
- Sometimes, a wise adult needs to remind children and young people about what truly matters.
Expert tip: Encourage them to step away from their source of stress or anxiety for a few minutes. This will help them refocus on the bigger picture and stop sweating the small stuff.
2. Put their attention elsewhere.
Shifting attention away from worries is an age-old technique parents and teachers use.
Commonly known as distraction, focusing on something other than what causes them distress is vital for good mental health.
Examples of distractions include going outside, playing a game, shooting basketball hoops and listening to music.
Expert tip: Help your child identify three sources of distraction to use when they worry. Then, ask them to choose one when they are anxious. This not only distracts them from their worries but heightens feelings of control. Feeling out of control is behind a great deal of childhood and teen anxiety.
3. Give their worry a name.
Somehow, giving a worry a name makes it feel less scary and more manageable.
My favourite picture storybook for toddlers, ‘There’s a Hippopotamus on Our Roof’, by Hazel Edwards, personifies fear of the dark as a friendly hippo.
Much more friendly and easier to boss around if you’re a child.
Ten-year-old Jeremy calls his pre-tennis match nerves Neville.
“Ah, Neville’s back to annoy me. Oh well, I’d better listen to some music. He hates that”
- Jeremy has a great tool in his well-being toolbox to combat his anxiety.
Expert tip: Help your child create different names to express their worries and fears. This fun activity can help lighten their moods when they worry.
4. Put your worries in a jar.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could put your worries in a safe and throw away the key!
You do this as an adult when you watch your favourite TV show or wander for hours online.
Children who constantly worry need something more practical.
They can write their worries on paper and lock them in a jar by the side of the bed at the end of the day. It’s good to know that their fears can’t get out because they are locked up tight.
- A diary or notebook works just as well with older kids.
Expert tip: Put a writing pad by their bed and encourage them to draw or write about their worries and concerns. Getting their worries out can help them relax.
5. Limit time talking about worries.
It’s good if kids can talk about what’s on their minds, but talking needs to be kept to a minimum (unless you're doing something about the problem) to prevent their worries from dominating their lives.
Some kids talk their worries up, blowing them out of all proportion.
- Set aside five minutes daily to talk about their worries and then put worry time aside until tomorrow.
Expert tip: Create a separate place for worry/problem-solving talk. It could be a chair, a couch, or their bed. This will help contain their anxiety/worry talk to those places. Be careful where you choose. Location carries memory, so it may not be easy to have fun in those locations in the future.
6. Normalise rather than lionise their anxiety.
Anxious kids are susceptible to their parents’ concerns and worries.
We build their concerns by continually reassuring them that things will be fine. Most of the time, one reassurance should be sufficient, followed by “I’ve already talked to you about that.”
- Continually going over old ground can allow worries to linger longer than necessary.
Expert tip:Share instances where you’ve worried or been anxious with your worrier. Let them know how it felt for you. This will help you form a deep connection and understand their feelings.
7. Give them the tools to relax and go into flow.
My wife relaxes in front of the TV, which is sufficient for her to forget her worries.
However, some people need a bigger set of tools, including:
- Exercise and sport
- Playing games
- Listening to music
- Mindfulness or meditation
- Coloring in and other art forms
Expert tip: Experiment with different forms of relaxation, as one child’s form may be stressful or unenjoyable for another child.
Finally…
Mental health and well-being are the new pillars of resilience and good health for kids.
We need to discuss it openly in all its guises, including sleep, exercise, and diet, as well as how to stay mentally sharp, handle emotional highs and lows, shift moods, and more.
The above tools may not work for every child or every situation. Consider them suggestions or idea starters as you build your Child’s Well-Being Toolbox.
Michael GroseParenting Toolbox
michaelgrose@substack.com Apr 02, 2025