Just A Thought:

I’ve been thinking about how people pull in their legs to let you by when you walk down a crowded aisle. Or how strangers still say “bless you” when someone sneezes, a leftover from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying. And sometimes, when you spill lemons from your grocery bag, someone else will help you pick them up. 

Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other. We want to be handed our hot cup of coffee and say thank you to the person handing it, to smile at them, and for them to smile back. 

The waitress called us honey when she set down the bowl of clam chowder and asked the driver in the red pickup truck to let us pass. 

We have so little of each other now—so far from tribe and fire—only these brief moments of exchange. What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here, have my seat,” “Go ahead—you first,” or “I like your hat.”

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Mental Model

Reciprocity underlies everything from basic human kindness to the most complex trade systems. At its core, reciprocity is the simple idea of treating others as they treat us—giving what we get. From this simple principle grows a vast web of social interactions and expectations that shapes nearly every aspect of our lives.

Many people seem to expect the world to hand them things without effort. This is a poor strategy because it doesn’t align with the human behaviour you can observe around you every day. Reciprocation teaches us that you are likely to receive the same if you give people cynicism and curtness or nothing at all. But if you give people an opportunity and the benefit of the doubt, you will often receive the same behaviour.

Become what you want to see in the world, and the world will return it to you. If you want a fantastic relationship with your partner, be an amazing partner. If you want people to be thoughtful and kind to you, be thoughtful and kind to them. If you want people to listen to you, listen to them. The best way to achieve success is to deserve success. Small changes in your actions change your entire world.

One of the biggest misperceptions about reciprocity is that people should sit around waiting for others to go first rather than unlocking the power of reciprocity in their favour by going positive and going first without expectation.

Reciprocity reminds us that our actions tend to come back on us. It’s an important reminder that we are part of the world, and thus our actions do not happen in isolation but are instead part of an interconnected web of effects.