From the Wellness Centre

Identity Formation of Young Men

In the past 18 months a significant number of you (parents/carers) have contacted me for a chat hoping to find antidotes to the Andrew Tate phenomenon otherwise known as the “manosphere”. This was the topic of focus at Wednesday morning’s Pastoral Committee meeting. Boys are seeking attachment, connection, purpose, meaning, models of masculinity and power… and Tate provides an exhilaratingly, libertarian, hedonistic option.

Some of you would be familiar with this divisive influencer who has amassed 9.9 million followers on X. Tate is known for various “achievements,” including the following: being the most googled public figure in 2022 and the third most in 2023; appearing on Big Brother (UK) in 2016 and being removed from the reality TV show when footage of him a woman with a belt emerged (he claimed this was consensual) and concurrently was the suspect in and open rape investigation; he is a self-proclaimed misogynist; in December 2022, Tate and his brother Tristan were arrested in Romania, and in June 2023, were charged with rape, human trafficking and forming an organised crime group to sexually exploit women. Tate administers several online sites including Hustlers University and The Real World, encrypted sites, extortionately expensive to join and which promise riches, pleasure and domination.

Australian boys, adolescents and men form a hefty slice of Tate’s followers.

I am reminded of an Anchor article I wrote a couple of years ago, and offer it now:

Family Culture, School Culture & and Influence/rs and Challenges to Being Our Best Selves

Our youth are exposed, vulnerable, hungry, curious … and open to the multifarious influences and influencers in their lives. Their fizzing, sizzling, meandering, sharp, adventurous brains are dominated by the neurochemicals whose origins are in their limbic systems which house the drivers for emotions and rewards. By the mid-20’s the myelination process which connects all areas of the brain is complete: we make more considered decisions; we respond thoughtfully rather than react spontaneously; we can negotiate with others and compromise for needs fulfilment. And, while our young people’s brains are developing, and undergoing cortical pruning processes, they are at their most vulnerable. Fostering our young people to be their best selves, buttressed by fundamental family and school values, is countered by those tempting, and oppositional influences from outside the home and school, which reinforces the vital importance of critical thinking, emotional intelligence, values based decision making and the ability to communicate assertively.

Until then our young people are open to some complex, tempting and perhaps confusing influence/rs via social media, pop culture and gaming platforms such as Tik Tok, Discord, Snapchat, Instagram, PornHub etc.

Youth and online gaming | eSafety Commissioner offer some startling facts. About - The Unplugged Psychologist offers more data on this topic.

Suffice it to say – our family and school cultures are constantly being bombarded by competing messages which can undermine our belief systems and values. Creating a family language of cooperation, consent, integrity, safety and empathy, as well as family rituals (eating together, sharing in family pastimes, events, celebrations etc) can serve as antidotes to the messages of misogyny, violence, entitlement, nihilism and such like, which our youth are exposed to.

A recent example comes to mind – consider verbs such as “nail, smash, bang, slam, knock, hammer, rap …”. Of course these are action words, synonymous with construction sites, or the building industry. And yet, our youth hear these verbs in songs, clips, films as vernacular or verbal currency associated with relationships and intimacy. Of course much of this is wrapped up in and promulgated the porn industry (and peddled by Tate and his incel followers). When PornHub went free to air in 2017, our young people were exposed to frightening, compulsive, titillating and transgressive experiences. Language and family discussion around such cultural challenges is crucial. These websites are useful for families who which to pursue and develop healthy and realistic values.

Peggy Orenstein AMAZE - Age appropriate info on puberty for tweens and their parents.

Some Recent Perspectives around Representations of Masculinity

Siobhan Marin for the Religion and Ethics Report (ABC Radion National Sat 26 October) investigates how the over/use of the term Toxic Masculinity has produced unintended consequences. Marin quotes the work of Dr Michael Flood (whom I’ve quoted in the past) who posits “What it’s (toxic masculinity) meant to name is one particular version of how to be a man that is toxic – toxic for the boys and men who try to live up to it, and toxic for those around them. Specifically, this version of masculinity is characterised by dominance, aggression, sexual entitlement and a hostility toward femininity or vulnerability. But the phrase is often misheard as saying there’s … something unhealthy or toxic about being a man.” Flood continues, “I think some boys and men feel under attack, feel defensive, feel blamed and are struggling with or indeed resistant to that.”

Marin also quotes Maggie Dent, well known parenting educator, who agrees with Flood: “I believe we have toxic males, the same as we’ve got toxic females … both genders deserve to be respected as individuals… today’s tweens and teen boys … if they’ve got a phone or they’ve got access to devices and they’re on certain social media, they are getting marinated in content that is the opposite to what anybody wants for their son.”

Maggie Dent points to Andrew Tate as a corrupting influence. Marin avers that “before his arrest, the podcaster used social media to project an aspirational lifestyle, one with fast cars luxury watches and holidays on private yachts and to air deeply misogynistic views, including that women are intrinsically lazy and that they should bear responsibility for being sexually assaulted. Such hateful rhetoric was wedged between workout tips and other purported advice, such as his belief that sparkling water signifies wealth and therefore is superior. These so-called life hacks have filtered from social media to schoolyards says the Director for Public Christianity Simon Smart.”

In the recent weekend press (The Weekend Australian – Magazine) Nikki Gemmell’s column explores the burgeoning tribalism of young males – feeding their need for visceral connection, being truly seen, a oneness, muscularity in the moment, with a taint of threat. The setting is a co-ed private school auditorium.

And you know what? The really glaringly sad consequences of such rampant, arrogant, jingoistic beliefs and practices lie in the mental ill-health of those who subscribe to such a life-style and the corrosive social codes which emanate from such fellowship.

These alarming trends and emergent forces are anathema to our school values and Christian codes. For further information, see the links below. And let’s continue this conversation. Email me if you’d like to be a courageous parent, or a curious change agent in the life of your adolescent.

Victorian students will get ‘anti-Tate’ lessons – but much more is needed to tackle gendered violence in schools

Andrew Tate: how the ‘manosphere’ influencer is selling extreme masculinity to young men

Andrew Tate’s extreme views about women are infiltrating Australian schools. We need a zero-tolerance response

What exactly is toxic masculinity? And could the term's overuse have unintended consequences? - ABC News

Woke politics and power: How liberalism’s blind spot let cancel culture bloom | The Monthly

What Chanel Contos uncovered about school-age sex abuse, we all need to know

Teach Us Consent

Incel Lexicon WebSci2024

Why psychologist Steve Biddulph wants to change the way we raise boys - ABC News

A Systematic Review of Adolescent Masculinities and Associations with Internalizing Behavior Problems and Social Support

Next week will explore rites of passage and neurodevelopment of adolescents.

Yours in kindness, empathy and integrity.

Ms Sheryl Moncur | School Counsellor/Teacher

Lifeline WA Community Engagement Event in Albany - FREE workshops!

Here are the details including links to register for each event:

Tuesday the 19 November

9:30am to 11.00am 13YARN Hello this is Lifeline morning tea at Kadadjiny Aboriginal Co-Op (in the Yarning Circle) Registration - Lifeline WA Workplace Training (arlo.co)

12:30pm to 2:30pm Talking about Suicide at Advance Housing Ltd

Checkout - Lifeline WA Workplace Training (arlo.co)