Wellbeing - Parents

Understanding and addressing school refusal: parent edition

We all know that teens love to sleep. At times, it can be extremely hard and frustrating to get them out of bed in time for that family breakfast, sporting event, scouts, that camping trip or holiday you have been planning for months, or even school. However, regularly asking to stay home because they feel unwell or appear worried/upset about something at school could be a sign that they are escalating into school refusal.

School refusal can impact social, emotional, and educational aspects for your child’s life. Missing school doesn’t just mean missing out on learning, it can impact their friendships and social life as there are less chances to connect with their peers. Furthermore, each day missed means that your child is falling further behind in subjects and assessment tasks, which could lead to anxiety when they return to school. Missing a day here or there may not seem like much, but missing one day per week every year is the same as missing 2.5 years of schooling. Patience, empathy, and collaboration with professionals and school staff are key to navigating this challenging situation and ensuring a positive outcome for your child.

Why does school refusal occur?

It is not uncommon for young people to express a reluctance to go to school at different times during their lives. For some, the difficulties around attending school may develop into school refusal. The reasons for school refusal are often a combination of emotional and psychological factors. The reasons for school refusal are complex, and unique for each student; they can start gradually or happen suddenly. Some of the common reasons include:

• Learning difficulties or conflict with teachers
• Anxiety related to being separated from family members
• Worry related to friendships and social interactions
• Anxiety about SACs, CATS, exams or public speaking/falling behind in work or poor grades
• Illness or mental health concerns
• Poor sleep habits and sleep hygiene
• Cultural differences between home and school
• Changes to school environment like transitioning from primary to high school or to a new school

What can school refusal look like?

Young people might show they’re feeling anxious about school by:

• Not wanting to get up and get ready
• Saying they can’t go
• Worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson
• Feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches
• Not sleeping well
• Not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping
• Being angry or upset, or acting out – at school or at home
• Withdrawing – seeming low, quiet or depressed

What can I do to support my child when they are experiencing school refusal?

There is often a lot of shame or guilt associated with school refusal for both the student and the parent. There doesn’t need to be! It is important to find out why your young person does not want to come to school and then work with them and the school to find solutions so they feel more comfortable in attending. You can speak to your child’s Head of Year/Coordinator, or the wellbeing team for support during this time. The longer your child is not present, the harder it gets to bounce back, which is why early intervention and adequate ongoing support both in and outside the classroom is so important. Click the link for a guide of how to speak with your young person about school refusal to better understand their experience (https://parents.au.reachout.com/school-and-education/school-refusal/conversation-guide-how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-school-refusal)

Here are some steps you can take to support your child if they begin to display behaviours consistent with school refusal:

1. Routine: Helping them establish a morning and evening routine can help give a sense of stability, security, and predictability. Ensure your child has a set bedtime, a healthy breakfast, and a regular schedule that includes time for homework and relaxation.

a.       Sleep hygiene - Leave all technology out of their bedroom.

b.       Pack their school bag the night before with everything they need.

c.       Plan to meet up with a friend so they can travel to school together.

2. Let the school know:  it is important that you let the school know as soon as possible so that we can work closely with your child to support them during this time and create a supportive environment.

a.    Gradual Reintegration - If your child has been out of school for an extended period, a gradual return might be beneficial. Start with shorter school days or partial attendance, slowly increasing the time spent at school as your child becomes more comfortable.

b.    Develop an absence learning plan to ensure that your child does not fall behind and get stuck in the cycle of not wanting to come to school because they are ‘too far behind’ and then falling further behind by not coming.

3. Positive Reinforcement and Correction: Encourage and reward all small successes. It may not seem like much but it goes a long way! Praising your child for attending school, completing homework, or making efforts to overcome their fears will help to build their confidence, motivation, and resilience in attending school even when it is hard. However, it is also important to make sure you are not inadvertently rewarding avoidance. For example, if your child refuses to go to school, do not let them have access to their phones or the internet.

4. Model Positive Attitudes: Demonstrate a positive attitude towards your child’s education and the school. Your behaviour and attitudes can significantly influence your child's perceptions and attitudes towards school. Encourage your child to speak with their Head of year/Coordinator or Wellbeing if they need support at school so that they know who they can talk to and who will help.

5. Seek Professional Help: If anxiety, depression, or other psychological issues are suspected, consult with the wellbeing team or your GP for a mental health care plan. More information on this can be found in the ‘My child needs support! How can I refer them?’ section of the previous page - ‘Wellbeing - Students’.

Remember to look after yourself as well! Just like on an airplane, you need to fit your own oxygen mask first so that you can help your child. Remember to employ some of the above techniques for yourself and partake in some self-care so that you feel less overwhelmed and anxious during conversations and those moments where you have tried all the tricks to get your teen to school.

Parent Support Services

We understand that supporting a young person with mental health concerns can be hard. If you are thinking of engaging some extra support for yourself, or are interested in some information to help with concerns as they arise, please take a look at the document attached below which you can use to talk things through. You don’t have to do it on your own!

Free Professional Coaching for Parents!

The ReachOut One-on-One Support program offers free professional coaching for parents and carers of teens aged 12-18 in Australia. The service includes up to four online or telephone sessions with a coach to help parents develop effective parenting strategies tailored to support their teens through various challenges such as anxiety, depression, school refusal, and more. The program aims to build parents' skills and confidence by providing practical and collaborative coaching. 

All coaches are qualified professionals with experience in coaching, counselling, and social work1. Sessions are available between 9 am and 5 pm (AEST), Monday to Friday. The service is funded by the Australian Federal Government and is completely free.

Check out the link bellow for more information

https://parents.au.reachout.com/one-on-one-support

Lauren, Steph, Livia, Jess and Ange

The Wellbeing Team