Handling School Refusal

What is school refusal?

School refusal is when children get extremely upset at the idea of going to school and often miss some or all of the school day. This distress doesn’t go away.

Signs of school refusal

If your child refuses to go to school, you might feel that school nights and mornings are a ‘battle of wills’. Your child might:

· cry, throw tantrums, yell or scream

· hide or lock themselves in their room

· refuse to move

· beg or plead not to go

· complain of aches, pains and illness before school, which generally get better if you let your child stay at home

· show high levels of anxiety

· have trouble sleeping

Causes of school refusal

There’s rarely a single cause of school refusal. It might be linked to anxiety or worries about leaving home, a phobia, learning difficulties, social problems at school, or depression.

School refusal might start gradually or happen suddenly. It can happen at the same time as or after major changes, stressful events at home, family and peer conflict, bullying or teasing, problems with a teacher or poor school results.

By not going to school, a child might be able to:

· avoid scary things – for example, tests, certain teachers, the canteen and so on

· get out of social situations with peers or teachers

· keep an eye on what’s happening at home – for example, if a family member or pet is ill.

Strategies to support your child while working on their school refusal:

· Show your child that you understand. For example, you could say, ‘I can see you’re worried about going to school. I know it’s hard, but it’s good for you to go. Your teacher and I will help you’.

· Use clear, calm statements that let your child know you expect them to go to school. Say ‘when’ rather than ‘if’. For example, you can say, ‘When you’re at school tomorrow ...’ instead of ‘If you make it to school tomorrow ...’.

· Show that you believe your child can go to school by saying positive and encouraging things. For example, ‘You’re showing how brave you are by going to school’. This will build your child’s self-confidence.

· Use direct statements that don’t give your child the chance to say ‘No!’ For example, ‘It’s time to get out of bed’ or ‘Jo, please get up and into the shower’.

· Get someone else to drop your child at school, if you can. Children often cope better with separation at home rather than at the school gate.

· Plan for a calm start to the day by having morning and evening routines. For example, get uniforms, lunches and school bags ready the night before, get your child to have a shower or bath in the evening, and get your child to bed at a regular time. · Praise your child when they show brave behaviour, like getting ready for school. For example, you could say, ‘I know this is hard for you, but I think it’s great that you’re giving it a go. Well done’.

· Praise your child when they actually go to school. You could also consider rewarding them. For example, if your child goes regularly, they could earn bonus technology time, a special outing with a parent to their favourite park, or their favourite meal for dinner.

Getting professional help

· Families can get professional help to learn about managing school refusal and to sort out the problems behind it.

· If your child is saying they feel sick, make an appointment with your GP to check it out.

· If there are no physical reasons for your child feeling sick, your GP might refer you to a paediatrician, psychiatrist or psychologist.

Talk with your child’s teacher if you have concerns about getting your child to school. Explain what is going on for your child, their main difficulties and if there are any concerns about their behaviour at school. Teachers and wellbeing staff can provide more insight about your child at school and are an invaluable source of support to families.

Sources: School refusal: children & teenagers | Raising Children Network

Mental Health Resources for parents

Head to Health

Access to trusted mental health and wellbeing information, online programs and digital resources.

Beyond Blue

Learn more about depression and anxiety, or talk it through with our support service.

Phone: 1300 224 636 (24/7) Email or chat online

eheadspace

A confidential, free and secure space where young people aged 12 to 25 or their family can chat, email or speak on the phone with a qualified youth mental health professional.

Phone: 1800 650 890 (9am – 1am everyday)

Lifeline

Access to crisis support, suicide prevention and mental health support services.

Phone: 13 11 14 (24/7)

Find a Psychologist

If you would like to find a registered psychologist in your area, the Australian Psychological Society Find a Psychologist service can assist with this. You can also speak to your GP about getting a referral to a psychologist.

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