Michael Grose/Parenting
Parenting is an incredible journey, but it shouldn’t feel like a constant scramble to keep up.
Modern advice often shifts, but the core foundation of raising a good human remains consistent.
That’s why these timeless principles exist—they smooth the path and simplify the day-to-day choices.
After decades spent working with countless families, I’ve had a front-row seat to what genuinely works and what simply doesn’t.
Stop guessing; start building.
Here are the nine valuable lessons every parent should know.
1. Forge a strong family identity
The path to what you want for your kids—confidence, resilience, success, happiness—is found by giving them a strong sense of who they are and where they come from.
It's about establishing a family identity.
Think of it as your family's brand—what you stand for, your core values, and your unique traditions.
This isn't about being perfect; it's about creating a shared history.
For example, my family has a "no screens at the dinner table" rule. It's not just a rule; it's part of our identity—we value connecting and communicating with one another.
When children know their family's story, they feel a sense of belonging that provides a solid foundation to face the world.
Expert tip: Use family rituals, such as mealtimes, birthdays, and other celebrations, to build a strong, close family.
2. Learn to laugh at mistakes
Perfection and parenting shouldn’t be in the same sentence!
We're all going to mess up, and that's okay.
What's not okay is taking ourselves too seriously.
When you make a mistake—maybe you lose your cool and yell, or you forget to pack their lunch—don't hide it.
Instead, own your mistakes with a sense of humour.
It shows your kids that it's human to be imperfect and that the world won't end when you make a mistake.
It models resilience and teaches them to forgive both themselves and others.
Kids don't need perfect parents; they need real parents.
Expert tip: Use playful banter to build a connection. Parents who use banter are more likely to have serious conversations with children and teens about real-life issues such as sexuality, mental health and body image.
3. Let kids struggle
It's natural to want to protect your child from pain and disappointment. It hurts to see them struggle.
But struggle, disappointment, loss and other challenges are part of life.
Forgot their homework? Let them face the consequences with their teacher.
Lost a game? Let them feel the disappointment.
A friend moved home? Sitting with sadness is difficult, but necessary.
When you constantly step in to solve their problems, you're robbing them of the chance to develop crucial life skills.
The best thing you can do for your kids is to let them struggle a little.
Of course, you should be there to offer support and a listening ear, but you shouldn't swoop in and fix it for them.
Allow them to face adversity, and you're teaching them problem-solving, resilience, and the satisfaction of overcoming a challenge on their own.
Expert tip: Tell your children about the times you’ve struggled, letting them know how you overcame your problems.
4. Focus on strengths, not just weaknesses
We tend to focus on what our kids aren't doing well.
Their grades could be better, their room is a mess, or they aren't listening.
While it's essential to address these issues, it's just as important, if not more so, to highlight their strengths.
Notice when they're being kind to their sibling, praise their effort in a hobby they love, or acknowledge their creativity.
When you celebrate their natural talents and positive traits, you build their confidence and motivate them to lean into what they do well.
This positive reinforcement creates a much more encouraging and supportive family environment.
Expert tip: Purposefullyset your antennae to pick up kids’ positive behaviours and their strengths rather than what they can’t do.
5. Give kids real responsibility
Children thrive on having a sense of purpose and making a contribution.
Giving them chores and responsibilities isn't about getting free labour; it's about building their competence and sense of belonging.
Starting from a young age, give them tasks that are manageable for their age and ability.
They can help set the table, sort laundry, or feed the family pet.
When they contribute to the household, they feel valued as part of the team.
This feeling of being needed builds their self-worth and teaches them that their actions have a positive impact on the family as a whole.
And avoid rescuing when they inevitably make a mistake. That takes the responsibility away.
Expert tip: Use a roster or chores chart to distribute family chores and responsibilities. Visual charts remove the authority from you to ensure jobs are done. “It says it’s your job on the roster!”
6. Avoid making decisions out of guilt
Parenting is a constant balancing act, and it's easy to feel guilty, especially if you're a busy working parent.
It’s hard with the current child-focused parenting era we’re in.
Maybe you missed a school event or had to say "no" to something they really wanted.
While it's important to acknowledge your feelings, as a general rule, avoid making decisions based on guilt.
Giving in to a child's demand just because you feel bad about something else sends the wrong message.
It teaches them that they can manipulate you with your emotions. Instead, make decisions based on what is best for the child and the family in the long run.
Expert tip: Develop the habit of taking a few breaths and stepping away for a few seconds before speaking to kids when you’re stressed.
7. Use the power of routines
Kids feel safe and secure when they know what to expect. You know this, but sometimes we get tired and forget, or get lax on dinner times, bedtime and the like.
But routines provide a sense of stability and predictability that reduces anxiety and power struggles.
This isn't about having a rigid, minute-by-minute schedule.
It's ensuring a general flow to your days—a predictable routine for mornings, mealtimes, and bedtime.
For example, a bedtime routine might involve brushing teeth, reading a book, and then a quick chat about the day.
This structure makes life simpler for you and your children and promotes a calm family life.
Expert tip: Develop two routines. Have a weekday routine and a more relaxed weekend routine, so you don’t feel like you’re always on the hamster wheel.
8. Discipline with dignity
Discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
It should be done in a way that preserves a child's self-esteem.
When you're correcting a behaviour, remember to focus on the action, not the child.
Instead of saying, "You're a bad boy for hitting your sister," say, "Hitting is not okay.
Teach kids to use their words to express their feelings.
This approach separates the behaviour from the child's identity and reminds them how to make better choices next time.
It reinforces the idea that they are good kids who sometimes make poor choices.
Expert tip: Refer to behaviour as a choice they make. This reinforces that behaviour is driven by them rather than emotions.
9. Connect before you correct
Before you jump into a lecture or a correction, take a moment to connect with your child. This is especially important during those moments of high emotion.
If your child is upset or acting out, get down to their level, make eye contact, and acknowledge their feelings.
Say something like, "I can see you're really frustrated right now."
This simple act of empathy shows them that you see and hear them.
Once they feel understood and connected to you, they will be much more receptive to your guidance.
Expert tip: Choose the time and place for speaking with kids, taking their behaviour into account. Avoid talking when you or they are angry, and it's always easier to discuss things in private than in public.
Finally…
Embrace these lessons not as rigid rules, but as helpful principles.
Trust your instincts, celebrate small wins, and play the parenting long game.
Be present when you're with your kids, but always keep an eye on the future because that’s when your current parenting efforts usually bear the biggest fruit.