Principal

What Fathers do for Sons

Last Friday, I was privileged to meet all the fathers, grandfathers and father-figures at our College over two masses, in order to honour Father’s Day. It was a very special event and it made me reflect on the role fathers have as parents, but particularly for sons. I have a son and a daughter and upon reflection, I can see the effect their father has had on them in different ways.

I read a wonderful article about the impact that fathers have specifically on their sons, and I would like to share it with you as I found it fascinating and described what I have observed in my own family anecdotally.

Fathers show their sons that dad is not mum.

This seems terribly obvious, but it is extremely important. Yale’s Dr. Kyle Pruett, a research pioneer on the importance of dads for healthy child development, explains that infants from earliest days learn to tell the difference between mum and dad. His voice is deeper, his hands are larger and rougher, his play is more physical and stimulating, and he smells and acts differently. The father, and his distinct differences from mum, is already demonstrating to the boy who he is and who he is not. “Dad and I are guys and I will start being more like him, doing what he does” a young boy comes to realise as he grows. Dads teach their sons that they are different than mums and sisters. They become each boy’s magnetic North, drawing him toward manhood.

Fathers help their sons develop male confidence.

The development of a boy’s confidence comes primarily through his father. This is because fathers are more likely to encourage their sons to take chances. Take two simple experiences from infancy and later childhood. Fathers are more likely to throw their babies into the air, especially his boys. This is a very important confidence-building ritual. The first time it happens, the child is scared to death. But gravity happens and he falls back down into the safety of dad’s hands. What happens at that precise second? The boy starts to giggle wildly. Why? He just learned that thrills can be thrilling. What fathers do for their sons is to help them develop confidence by taking chances and doing scary things.

This continues as the boy gets older. Take climbing trees. Mums seldom encourage the boy to climb higher. She’s all about safety. Dads are more likely to push limits. “Hey buddy, try going up to that next limb. Don’t be scared, I’ll talk you through it.” When the boy takes the chance and succeeds, he’s learning that he has what it takes to do hard things. This connection is essential for every boy, gaining the confidence he will need later in solving problems, approaching girls, searching for a job and taking on leadership roles among his peers.

Fathers Teach Their Sons Perseverance

How young boys learn to persevere and overcome life’s obstacles is an integral part of entering into biblical manhood. Sons who watch their fathers in both their daily habits and moments of crises notice successful strategies to solving life’s various problems.

Dads teach their sons the virtue of perseverance through example and encouragement. For young boys, these examples often involve interactions with manual labour, problem solving, or even relational difficulties. The watching son is learning that some jobs are very hard, even frustrating, but the job is not done ‘til it’s done’. When his son is working on something, a hard maths problem or fixing his bike, gets frustrated and wants to give up, dad is more likely to encourage him to keep going. Take a moment, back up and figure out what the problem is, how to solve it and see it through. In the process, the boy is learning skills, patience and tenacity.

Fathers Introduce Their Sons to the World of Men

Just like the world of women, the world and fraternity of men is a very specific place with its own curious ways of doing things. What fathers do for their sons is provide them an “in.” Stanford University’s Eleanor Maccoby explains in her book The Two Sexes that across all cultures, the young boy needs his father – or some other older special male, an uncle, grandfather or teacher – to be the one to introduce him into this important world. Dads teach their sons the “how” and the “why” of what men do and how to do these things himself. He will also teach the boy the supposed “man things” that good men don’t do. As years pass, dad will introduce and recommend his son to other men who will become his role models, encouragers, teachers and coaches.

Dad is the primary person helping the young man network in the community in search of his first real job. A father introduces his son to Mr. Terezzi who owns the local hardware store, Mario who runs the carwash, Mr. Byrne who’s hiring a landscaping crew for the summer or Walt who manages the pizzeria. Dad vouches for the character and work ethic of his boy. These men know the boy is likely to be a good employee because his dad is a good man. Junior is worth taking a chance on.

When the boy needs help building or mending relationships with other men in the community, dad is the one who can help him. Often times, for good or for bad, the reputation of the father among other men and women in the community will be the reputation the son starts out with. It will increasingly become his job to prove himself worthy of that reputation.

Dads Matter

The father’s role in the life of his son is paramount. Few men talk about the “mother wound” they have suffered with through the decades. Far too many suffer from a father wound, and it typically stems from one shortcoming. The boy didn’t get the affirmation from his father that he is a good boy growing into a good man. His father must regularly tell and show the boy he is pleased with and respects him in his development. Father is the one who must pin this badge of manhood on his son, doing so in a hundred different ways well into his adulthood. If dad is not there, another significant man in the boy’s life must!

Dad, you have a large role to play in your son’s life that no one else can accomplish as successfully and meaningfully as you can. Don’t leave that job to someone else.

Community News

Congratulations to Mrs Renee Buchanan who welcomed her first child, a son, Cody, recently. Mum and bub and doing well.
Happiest congratulations also go to Ms Lisa Dib. She and her husband are pleased to introduce their third bub - Levi Justin Dib, born on 2 September. Baby brother to Zoey and Mila, the girls are obsessed with him already! Both Levi and mum are doing well.
Congratulations to Ms Felicia Ho on her recent wedding. May she and her husband prosper and grow together.
We welcomed Mr Leon Petersen to our Mathematics faculty last week and he replaces Ms Sarlej. I appreciate that it has taken some time to replace Ms Sarlej but we are purposeful in waiting to appoint qualified and experienced staff to such roles.
Ms Amanda Robertson has been appointed to the position of Acting Head of English when Mrs El-Kazzi goes on leave in Term 4.
Ms Felicia Ho has been appointed to the position of Acting Head of HSIE (A) when Mr Brennan goes on Long Service Leave in Term 4.
Mrs Britta Crozier (Nurse) has left the College and we thank her for the substantial substitution she has made in establishing this role, a new one in the College. We are currently in the process of recruiting for a replacement and in the interim, Ms Goodwin will be managing Student Services and taking the responsibility for triaging sick students. Please be patient if phone calls take a little time to be answered because Ms Goodwin will be doing her best to give a level of service to the boys that reflects our focus on Duty of Care.

Dr Vittoria Lavorato

Principal

SPC boys can do anything!*

*except divide by zero