Chaplain’s Corner

Guardrails

Parenting young people is one of the greatest joys in this life … yet one of life’s greatest challenges. Amen?

As parents, we are regularly trying to find the healthy balance of letting go, and allowing positive risk taking, being independent etc., with when to reign in and when to say ‘no’ or when and how to offer wisdom or correction. It looks a little different from when my daughter was in Prep, to now turning 18, but the joy and challenge remain!

I’m sure you would agree that consistency, loving care and clear boundaries are vitally important in creating a good foundation. A foundation, that provides young people with an environment that is predictable, fair and secure, and enables them to grow and flourish into well-rounded men and women.

Last week in Senior Chapel, I shared how when I was younger (and lacking in wisdom and self-control), I had an accident in my car. I shared how lucky I was, to have avoided a far greater consequence, than just a tow truck and a car wash. I also shared how I developed through this experience, a greater appreciation for guardrails!

A guardrail is that metal structure you often see on the side of the road. Designed, to prevent you from straying into a dangerous or off limit area. Guardrails are something that we don't seem to notice too often, unless of course, in those moments we need them.

Guardrails are on bridges, on curves, and along roads, where potential danger exists on the other side. Along the Great Ocean Road there are kilometres of these guardrails, and you can understand why!

Guardrails provide a margin of error. If you side swipe a guardrail with your car, it is going to hurt a little, as you hear the sickening sound of the scrape and then count the cost of lost paint or perhaps dents in the bodywork. Your car may need to visit the panel beater, but the fun fact is, you are still alive and hopefully protected from injury.

I think we would all agree, guardrails are an important safety feature of our roads. It’s interesting to note then, that we often fail to install guardrails in our own lives. So many of us can live life right on the edge of the cliff, living life only one small mistake away, from potential major pain or even irreversible disaster.

So, I ask the question. Do you have guardrails, or another word, boundaries, in your life? Are you helping to establish healthy boundaries in the lives of your children? Be encouraged if you are!

A guardrail is defined by Andy Stanley as

A standard of behaviour that you choose, as a matter of conscience.

A personal guardrail is something that you put in place in your life, that when it’s touched, it sets off a virtual red warning light, an alarm bell that starts ringing. “Warning, warning! Matt, you’re scraping up against the guardrail here. If you keep going in this direction, you are headed for a rough ride, you’re headed into a no-go zone, you are potentially heading for disaster and regret.”

Fools are headstrong and do what they like; wise people take advice. Proverbs 12:15

The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out. Proverbs 10:9

Now we can apply this thought of guardrails, to every area of our lives. I wonder, where do you need personal boundaries?

In speech – In being clean and pure in your words and even before this, in your thoughts?
Internet / TV – What you allow your eyeballs to see and fixate on?
Time – Saying no to social media or Netflix? Especially when there is work to be done or our family needs our attention?
Relationships. Eating habits. Financial decisions …. The list goes on.

The Flipside …

Now there is a flip side to all of this. Having personal boundaries is not all about don’ts – especially if we flip our thinking. Having personal boundaries in place, doesn’t mean the removal of all enjoyment or excitement in life. Believe it or not, it actually intensifies it!

One definition I read, and love says this about having a boundary:

S: (n) limit, bound, boundary (the greatest possible degree of something)

Do you get that? It blew me away ‘boundary (the greatest possible degree of something)’. I suddenly realised, wow, when we receive Godly advice, wise counsel on how to live our lives – it’s as though, yes, God places before us boundaries / guardrails, to prevent us from ruining our own lives. But it isn’t to be a killjoy, it’s not just to restrict us. We are given boundaries because God wants us to live life to the greatest possible degree. It’s what parents want for their children. Amen?

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. John 10:10

If that is true, think about a guardrail. On one side is a fall, rocks, hurt, loss, and a short end. On the other side is … everything else! The freedom of the road, the joy of the journey, the excitement of what the future holds, the anticipation of what is to come. We can get so caught up with what is on the other side of the rail that we forget how much is given to us on this side of it. Amen?

Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces. Proverbs 13:20

Reading the book of Proverbs with a highlighter in hand, is a great place to begin your guardrail journey. It is here, that Solomon is giving wisdom drop after wisdom drop to his sons. He is helping his sons to set up boundaries in their lives. To help them live lives of virtue and peace, lives that are successful and prosperous and a life of well-being. Lives that are lived to the full!

Personal boundaries / guardrails are important. They offer us self-protection and allow us to train ourselves towards greater self-control. Self-control allows us to make wise choices and to avoid many avoidable regrets.

So, my encouragement, be personally pro-active and be a proactive parent, not reactive. Make some decisions today that will benefit you and your family in five, or ten, or 30 years’ time! Set up some guardrails. Or be encouraged, to continue to maintain them.

God bless,

Pastor Matt Daly

College Chaplain