Social Worker Bec

Hi Families, 

Bec the School Social Worker here :)

For most families, it is a daily ritual to talk about your kids’ day at school. As children get older, or if they are still learning how to communicate their thoughts and feelings, your conversations could go something like this… 

Adult: What did you do at school today?

Child: I don’t remember.

Adult: What did you work on?

Child: I don’t know.

Adult: I want to know what you did.

Child: I can’t remember.

If this sounds familiar, there is a secret to getting more information from your kids, and the answer is: concrete questions. If you ask broad and general questions that are too abstract for a child to process, they either can’t answer, or won’t answer truthfully. Children’s brains prefer specific and defined questions so that they are more easily mastered. The more concrete, the better.

Some examples might be:

What song did you sing today?

What work did you choose?

What did you eat for snack?

Who did you play with on the playground?

Here you can hopefully see how a child can easily recall and discuss these answers.

And this does not just apply for young children. Even preteens and adolescents prefer very concrete conversations. So, rather than asking, “How was school?” it would be more effective to ask, “What was your favourite thing that happened today?” or “What is one thing that made you laugh today?”

Getting your kids to talk to you will become a lot easier with this approach, and this technique works for every scenario. 

To learn more about their friends: “What is one thing that you like best about Bobby?” 

To handle a moody attitude:  “What is one thing that would make you feel better right now?” 

To get to know their likes: “Tell me your favourite thing about basketball.”

To understand a struggle: “Tell me one thing you wish for at dad’s house. / Tell me one thing you wish you had at mum’s house. / Tell me one thing you wish was different at nan’s house.”

These are just a few examples of how merely changing the wording of the question will make a huge difference in your levels of conversations with your children, with more specific and insightful answers helping you learn more about what matters to your children, and what they need at that moment in time.