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Centacare and the Family Relationship Centre Courses
Centacare and the Family Relationship Centre are here to help you strengthen family relationships; help families stay together; and assist families through separation.
Upcoming Courses
PARENTING COURSES
Surviving Your Adolescents – learn how to manage and let go of your 11 -22 year old
WHEN: 2 x Thursdays - 15th & 22nd November
TIME: 9.30am to 12.30pm
WHERE: Centacare Family Relationship Centre - 150 Rusden St. Armidale
COST: FREE
For more information or to register, contact the Family Relationship Centre through Centacare NENW on 1800 372 826 or 6738 7200
The Surviving Your Adolescents course covers:
· What is normal adolescent behaviour
· How to manage teen risk-taking
· The Four Cardinal Sins (what not to do)
· The four things to do
· The relationship between parent-teen communication and adolescent safety
· The four ways to improve your relationship
· What role to take: Observer, Advisor, Negotiator, Director
· How to respond to emotional blackmail
· Why they can be forgetful and how to help
· How not to take it personally
Registration is essential. This course is subject to registration numbers
9 Ways to Ruin Your Relationship with Your Teenager
Too many parents seem to have completely forgotten what it was like to be teenagers.
With all the chaos going on inside your head, body and life, what you really need is a mum and dad who are loving, attentive, and involved, not naggy.
Here are 9 ways parents ruin their relationships with their teenagers:
- You don’t listen. You’re so busy lecturing that you don’t hear what they have to say. Shut up and listen.
- You grill them with questions. Ask questions, but don’t act like you’re on NCIS trying to figure out who committed the murder. If they don’t answer immediately, just stay quiet. Somebody will fill the silence, and if you don’t butt in right away, it will be them.
- You always criticise. Instead of constantly criticizing your teenager, how about complimenting him/her? For example, “I am really impressed that you helped your brother even though you were tired.” Complimenting your kids shows them that you notice something other than what they do wrong.
- You don’t pick your battles. As long as they eat something green, it’s not the end of the world if they don’t eat broccoli.
- You never apologize. Parents are typically stingy with apologies because they think it shows weakness. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. Your kids will respect you more if you admit that you were out of line or overreacted. And when you apologize, never say, “I’m sorry if you were upset.” That’s not apologizing for your behavior.
- You make them feel like the least important part of your life. Your teenager shouldn’t feel second to your phone, friends, hobbies, career, or romantic life.
- You nitpick their appearance. Gentle reminders are one thing, nagging is another.
- You compare them to other kids. Never say things like, “Why can’t you be more like ______?”
- You expect them to be perfect. You can’t treat every activity they pick up like they’re on the road to winning a gold medal. They don’t have to be great at everything. The point is they have fun and look forward to doing it.
Toolkit for Dads - FREE - One session
Nobody is a perfect parent the secret is to be good enough! Learn what children really need to grow up confident, calm and creative. Gives you useful tips from other dads to deal with discipline, emotions, communication and enjoying your kids.
A 3 hour session for men
WHEN: Friday 9th November 2018
TIME: 9.30am to 12.30pm
WHERE: Centacare Armidale - 150 Rusden St, Armidale
CALL: 1800 372 826
Join us to learn about:
building a partnership
child development
family communication
listening
building understanding
helping children behave
sensible discipline
self-care for fathers
Top Ten Tips for Being a Great Dad from: The Fathering Project, University of Western Australia
http://thefatheringproject.org/activity/top-ten-tips-for-being-a-great-dad/
Dad dates
One of the simplest and yet most powerful strategies that enable fathers to connect to their children is dad dates. If dad bothers to spend time with each child, one-on-one, it generates an enormous feeling of worthwhileness. We suggest “Law of NOANOK” — No Other Adults, No Other Kids. It means the date involves just dad and just one of the children at a time.
Since our children were little my wife and I have each taken them out on dad dates or mum dates. Usually it has involved dinner somewhere the kids choose (fast food chains are banned) and a movie or something similar.
I learnt very quickly that if you think dad dates will be an opportunity to have deep and meaningful discussions and to “sort the kids out” you are wrong. If you try that the kids will always avoid these dates. They only work if dads listen and ask them about their friends and what they are enjoying or finding hard at school. If it becomes an inquisition or criticism it will be a failure.
Dad Trips
In one of my books I wrote a chapter about how dads can take their kids on trips, including work trips. These again are one-on-one events. Some years later I was at a conference and the president of the society came running up to me and nearly hugged me as he told me how he had read that chapter and his relationship with his teenage daughter had been transformed.
They were arguing and fighting all the time. He was desperate. So he took the opportunity to invite her with him on a conference trip to Paris. The conference lasted five days and they had another week and a half together as father and daughter.
He said that since they returned she had talked about nothing else other than that trip and the special times that they had together. He even heard her telling people that it was the “best few weeks of her life”. Then he stopped speaking, looked a bit teary, and said to me, “You know what Bruce”, “they were the best two weeks of my life as well”.
There is a magic about these trips. Again they follow the law of NOANOK. It doesn’t have to be Paris, but it does have to involve some effort. Travel together, be away together and be intentional about spending this time together.
Be creative about making time with kids
I am also amazed at how often men use work as an excuse for not spending time with their children. It is possible to be creative about making time. After a life-threatening backyard accident, I decided to begin walking to school with my kids in the morning. Like a lot of these things I did it because I felt I “should” then I ended up loving it.
There are other ways that you can work around the school day. Some men finish work early one day a week and take their kids to the beach or for an ice-cream. It is also important to come home and have dinner with the kids and turn the TV off during that time.
Families that eat together four nights a week or more reduce the risk of substance abuse in their children by half. It is interesting to me how many kids moan to their parents about having to turn the TV off and sit around the family table and then, 20 years later, say it was the best thing that ever happened in their childhood.
Help kids understand that they are special
I once interviewed David Gower, the former captain of the English cricket team, about fathering. When I asked him what he thought his girls needed from him, to my surprise he answered, “they need me to help them realise how special each of them is”. There was deep wisdom in this.
Every child is special and once they realise how special they are, all sorts of things happen. They don’t need to put other kids down (they are free to appreciate how special other kids are). Also, they are less likely to take drugs as they get older — they have worth without them.
To help kids understand their specialness you need to understand what it is about each of your children that is unique. It may be their personality, their talents, the way that they show kindness, interesting things that they have done, pathways they have chosen to take, or many other things. It is much more effective to identify those specific things and encourage the child in them than to use empty phrases such as “you are awesome” — kids spot that sort of hollowness very quickly.
And another important tip — help each of your children realise that they have a special future. They will probably never be famous, they don’t need to be in the top team or get into medical school, but they have a unique and wonderful future that will be a gift to the world and you are looking forward to seeing it and that they are here to live their own lives and not to live the life that you, as their parent want them to live.
Another way to help them feel special is to seek and value their opinions. Ask them what they think about politics, holiday choices, footy tipping or topics on the evening news. Importantly, avoid comparing any of your children to any other children inside the family or outside.
Practise listening
When we ask audiences of dads ho
Good for Kids
