Middle Years Update
Friends and frenemies: considering relational aggression
Friendships and identity are at the forefront of the developmental journey for adolescents, and so providing opportunities for students to consider the dimensions of respectful relationships is an important component of the Q Wellbeing Program at both Year 7 and 8. Last week, students met with one of the school’s counsellors, Charlotte Edmonds, to consider the nature of rewarding friendships and, in particular, to discuss the impacts of relational aggression.
Relational aggression causes damage by undermining or negatively impacting another person’s relationships or social status. Relational aggression is often subtle. It can be premediated, and it can be reactive. There are a range of behaviours which are examples of relational aggression. Here are some common examples:
- Social exclusion: This can be overt or otherwise with the advent on social networking
- Conditional relationships: For example, insisting on some advantage in exchange for time, friendship or social capital, or threats of retaliation for not conforming
- Spreading gossip and rumours
- Belittling: This can include passive aggressive behaviour, gestures and masked humour
- The ‘silent’ treatment: Being non-communicative, but this can also include not replying to people’s messages online
- Cyber-bullying
Relational aggressive behaviours can occur at anytime and anywhere considering the reach other people have into our lives due to social media.
As part of their workshop, students were asked to collaborate in small groups and discuss the behaviours evident in some scenarios provided by Charlotte. They had opportunity to consider the impact of relationally aggressive behaviours on victims and consider the motivations of those who perpetrate such behaviours. Such insight for the different parties involved encourages students to be reflective and therefore aware and have greater control of their own behaviours. They considered appropriate responses and what to do if they experienced relational aggression. Students were reminded of the support available at school should they need help.
Parents have an important role to play in supporting their daughter’s relational development. According to Linda Stade, an educator with significant experience in girls’ education and relationship education, parents can support their child by creating opportunities for their child to meet a range of people outside of the school community. Community sport and religious and cultural education groups are great examples of this. Parents can also carefully manage or monitor their child’s online activity and provide breaks for their child from their social group. This break is actually a really important part of creating time and space for rest and reflection. This break that has been diminished or even totally removed due to social media. Parents can support their children by learning how to respond to any issues in their child’s relationships. More information on supporting children is available on Linda’s website.
There is more work to be done in this area, of course, to provide explicit opportunities for all girls to consider the facets of respectful relationships. Moving forward, I have been exploring the role of the Peer Support Leaders, carefully selected Year 10 student leaders, in supporting the Year 7 and 8 students’ understanding of the dimensions of the friendships in a meaningful way. This will include looking at the different supportive role students can take on within the community and the kind of relational skills that lead to more rewarding and compassionate relationships.
Tristan Hill
Middle Years Coordinator