From the Counsellors
Helping kids manage stress
Welcome to Term 3! We hope you have enjoyed time with your children over the holiday break and everyone is feeling refreshed and ready for another busy term.
Our article this fortnight focuses on helping your child manage any stress they may be feeling upon their return to school.
Children can become easily overwhelmed by too many commitments, family conflict, problems with peers and major life events.
It's beneficial to note that a certain amount of stress gets us up and going in the mornings and also helps to motivate us to achieve our goals, as well as keep us safe. We call this eustress. Eustress can help us to accomplish tasks, make positive change, keep us safe, improve our performance and energise us.
Distress, however, is the stress that is concerning for children. While stress is our body’s natural response to adverse circumstances, this fight-or-flight response causes a shift in hormones, including the release of cortisol and adrenaline, which elevate blood pressure and heart rate. Stress is beneficial in short-term situations, but when that stress response is always 'on', it can lead to problems - increasing the risk of heart disease, obesity and diabetes, as well as depression, anxiety, fear, neediness, and the inability to learn new behaviours.
Stress can cause an interruption to brain development in children. The prolonged activation of the stress response is called 'toxic stress' and 'distress'.
The key to helping kids manage stress is teaching them to problem-solve, plan and know when to say yes and no to activities and commitments (rather than ensuring that everything is smooth and comfortable all the time).
Here are some ideas on how you can help your kids manage stress successfully.
1. Be aware of your child/ren being overscheduled
One of the biggest stressors for kids is being overscheduled. Kids need downtime to rejuvenate. Their brains and bodies need to rest and they might not realise this by themselves. So, considering if your child is overscheduled is important. Look at your child’s commitments over the week and make sure there is downtime where no one is watching the clock and your child can make choices about how to spend their time; time where they kick back and relax. How is your family eating meals? Is it on the run, in the car, grabbing and going? If so, this is an indicator that too much is going on.
2. Make time for play
Big and little kids play naturally given the opportunity. Be wary that often, devices are chosen for free time and depending on what they are viewing this will most likely be an inhibitor to natural play and to relaxation. Combine play with physical activity, which is critical for wellbeing. Play with your children both inside and outside of the home. Some ideas include riding bikes, swimming, putting on a concert or play, pretending, playing ball games, hiking, making things, cooking, experimenting, geocaching, making music, etc.
3. Make sleep a priority
Sleep is vital for everything from minimising stress and boosting mood to improving school performance. If your child complains that they cannot fall asleep easily, they may not be getting enough physical activity, or they may be too wired after using a device close to bedtime. Creating an environment conducive to sleep is important and this means keeping all devices, including televisions, out of your child’s bedroom.
4. Teach your kids to listen to their bodies
Teach your kids to understand their own bodies and the physiology of stress; articulate to them where you feel stress in your body and ask them where they feel tense in theirs. Breaks and downtime are imperative to a balanced lifestyle and good perspective.
5. Manage your own stress
When parents are stressed, kids are stressed, as their inner world feels insecure. If you’re living in an environment with one thing coming after another, your child is going to pick up on that. Children need to see parents slowing down and modelling relaxation techniques as an effective way to de-stress.
6. Make mornings calmer
A disorganised home is another stressful trigger for kids, and this is especially evident in the mornings. Find ways to make mornings smooth (do as much as possible the night before), as this will set the tone for the day.
7. Prepare your kids to deal with mistakes
For kids, a lot of stress comes from the fear of making mistakes. Remind them that they’re not supposed to know how to do everything, or do everything right, nor is that expected. They are still learning! Also, while making good decisions is an important skill to learn, the skill that might be even more important is learning how to recover from a bad decision. Help your child learn to figure out the next steps after a bad decision or mistake. Help them to problem solve, make amends, learn the lesson and move on, but don’t do it for them. Most of what your children learn, they learn from the model you demonstrate. You can’t live a stressful life and then teach stress management, so be your child’s most effective teacher by being relaxed and modelling calmness, by playing with them (yes, your teens, too, of course) and talking through how you solve problems and de-stress.
Further Reading
- How stress affects children and how to manage it
- Family stress: Evidence-based information for the thinking parent
We always welcome your feedback, suggestions and ideas for future articles. Please feel free to get in touch. A full list of articles published over the past seven years can be found on Parent Matters page on our website, along with other useful resources.
Gai Bath (Kinder–Year 6) and
Jane Sutcliffe (Year 7–12)
SMC Counsellors