Student Wellbeing News
Back to School Anxiety During Covid-19
Parents may find the following article of interest as students set to return to school during Term 4.
Lisa Trovato
Student Wellbeing Coordinator
Article by Caroline Miller from the Child Mind Institute in the US
Children who are heading back to the classroom are facing unusual challenges, and one of them is anxiety about being separated from their families after months of togetherness. For some kids it will trigger separation anxiety, in addition to the anxiety they may feel about leaving their safe harbor from the pandemic.
“Kids are just really used to being home with their parents now,” notes Jennifer Louie, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. Even kids who had comfortably adjusted to being in school before the pandemic are finding it stressful to be separated now. And, she adds, “There is the added fear that other people are not as safe as we thought they were.”
When kids go out now, they’re often reminded not to get too close to other people, to keep their masks on, to use sanitiser, to wash their hands, notes Dr Louie. “There’s just anxiety in the air, and I think kids feel that. I think they are wondering: Are we sure it’s safe to go back? And are other people safe? And is it safe to touch this?”
These are, of course, realistic fears that many adults share. And parents also know that there’s a real risk that in-person schooling may be suspended if it leads to outbreaks of COVID-19.
“I think a lot of parents have been seeing some clinginess in younger kids, or even nine- or ten-year-olds,” reports Rachel Busman, PsyD, director of the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute. “Kids are saying things like, ‘I don’t want to go back to school,’ or ‘I don’t want to be away from you.’ They’ve been out of the routine of going to school for so long it’s reasonable that they might struggle. And they might take a little bit longer to adapt, especially to these hybrid schedules.”
For some children, the excitement of going back to school after so many months stuck at home will outweigh potential anxiety, Dr Louie notes. “But I think the kids who already have anxiety are more prone to being more anxious going back.”
So parents have a complicated mission dealing with all this anxiety and uncertainty: reassuring children that it’s safe to be away from them, while also encouraging them to be careful and preparing them to be flexible in case the situation changes. How do you do that? Here are some pointers.
Validate their feelings
It’s worrisome when kids are clingy or fearful about separating from you, but it’s important for parents to stay calm and stay positive. “If your child is telling you that they’re worried or having those negative feelings, you want to validate that and let them have some space to express that. But you don’t want to feed it too much and you want to help them think of something they can do about it,” Dr Louie says.
“If your child is struggling a little bit, or they say they miss you, that’s okay,” adds Dr Busman. “I think you want to say, ‘I miss you too, and I’m so proud of you for going to school.’”
Set the tone
“To me, the most important thought about going back to school is that parents lead the charge. If you lead with your own anxiety, you’re only going to fuel anxiety,” says Dr Busman. “So you want to say what you know, answer questions and act calm even when you are not.” Try not to ask leading questions (“Are you nervous about going to school tomorrow?”), which can indicate to your child that there really is something to worry about.
If children have questions you can’t answer, you can say, “That’s a really good question. I am not sure, but I can find out the answer to that question,” Dr.Busman suggests. “Let’s start a list with questions we have.” Kids appreciate knowing what you’re doing to manage to the situation and also what they can do, so working together to ask and answer questions can help them stay calm.
Help them think positive
For younger kids worried about separation, it helps to know what you’re doing while they’re away, and how you’re staying safe.
Another way to help kids focus on positive things is to try to get them to talk about the good things about school. What are they looking forward to? What did they enjoy the previous day?
Dr Louie adds that transitional objects can be really helpful for younger kids to feel connected to home. A transitional object can be anything that helps your child feel connected to you when you’re apart — a stone, a button, a handkerchief. “Hopefully something small that they can keep in their pocket, that’s not too distracting, but something that they can take with them, a piece of home, a piece of their caregiver that can help them feel better.”
Practice separating
For children who are anxious about being apart, our experts suggest practicing separation, starting in small ways and building tolerance for more and more independence.
“Things like playing in your room by yourself, while Mum is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Or staying with another caregiver while Mum or Dad goes out,” explains Dr. Busman. “Those little things build the currency towards the big separation.”
Have a routine
Making sure that your child has a predictable routine leading up to school can help kids, especially younger ones, feel more secure.
It can also help to try out small variations in the separation process. Maybe your child does better with one caregiver than another.
Emphasise safety measures
We can’t promise our kids that we won’t get sick, but we can express confidence that the schools have done months of planning to minimize risk and keep everyone safe — that’s why all the new rules are in place. “I think it helps to reassure kids that everybody’s doing their best to keep things healthy,” suggests Dr Louie, “and they wouldn’t open the school unless they were going to be really careful.”
Older children can understand the concept of acceptable risk. “We can never be 100 percent sure that we are not going to get sick,” Dr Louie notes, “sometimes we have to take small risks to do important things.”
Encourage flexibility
Since there is a possibility that children who start school in person may be expected to switch back to remote learning, at least for some periods of time, it’s helpful for kids to know that you’re prepared for changes that may occur.
“We don’t want to set kids up to be scared if it does go back,” notes Dr Louie. “We have to live it day by day, so we can say, ‘Today the grown-ups have decided it’s safe for you to go. If that changes and it seems more risky, they’ll decide we should stay home.’”
Let your child know that the whole family is going to have to be flexible, adds Dr Busman. “You can say, ‘My guess is that things may change between now and the end of the year. And you know what? I promise that I’m going to give you information as I have it, but I would love for you to also make a promise. If you have a question you should always come to me first so I can make sure you have all the information.’”
When should you get help?
Kids who have trouble separating often just need time, and support from parents and teachers, to adjust. But if your child is having severe meltdowns at drop-off time for more than two or three weeks, and is unable to recover or to even stay at school, for more than three or four weeks, then seeking help can make a big difference.
Treatment for separation anxiety is usually involves a therapist working with the child and the parents to plan step-by-step ways for them to practice separating a little at a time.
In some cases kids may resist going back to school because the quarantine was actually a lot easier for them than going to school — kids with a lot of social anxiety, or who were bullied, or kids with learning disorders who had an easier time at home where they could do things at their own pace. Therapists can explore with them what aspects of school they don’t like or don’t want to do, even if you’re not sure at first. “Sometimes you just won’t know,” adds Dr Louie, “but you can still do the behavioural techniques without knowing exactly why they don’t want to go.”
Please let the school know if your child is worried about returning to school by contacting their Year Level Coordinator.
Outside Business hours and/or for further support:
Parentline 13 22 89
Beyond Blue 1300 224 636
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
In Case of Emergency 000
Self-care during COVID-19
Making time for self-care is so important during this time, especially if you’re in lockdown. Get some of our top ways that you can take care of yourself, at home and for free.
Maria Rigopoulos
Student Wellbeing Coordinator
Wellbeing Staff
For more information about Wellbeing at the College, please visit the following link ..