Student Wellbeing

Teen Boys and Gaming: The 10 Agreements for Healthy Balance

In a Public Forum about Gaming run at St. James last year about Gaming, there were two questions that parent’s most seemed to be wrestling with:

The first, “How do I know if my son’s gaming habits are too much or harmful?”

The second, “How do I limit my son’s gaming, when he needs his iPad/Lap Top for school work?”

These are complex, ‘first generation’ problems, that we are all collectively trying to gain a better management of and understanding.

Perhaps it’s useful to start with a common-sense statement, that gaming per se, is a lot less harmful than risk-taking behaviours that many teens pursue like alcohol, drugs, delinquency and smoking.

However, in the sensitive window from early to mid-adolescence, brain changes occur meaning that teens are particularly susceptible to becoming addicted to anything in which they invest a lot of time and energy.

Technology used for school work, is seldom used for as long a period of time as that used for entertainment purposes. The issues occur with what happens when the brain is doing something repeatedly especially when it triggers our reward centre.

Research into video games shows that during gaming, dopamine is released and this brain chemical is associated with reward and addiction. Because the addicted brain has been so overloaded with dopamine, it adjusts by reducing the number of dopamine receptors – so the reward is no longer as satisfying, causing users to crave more and more.

Sadly it’s not just the threat of developing an addiction to gaming that is the problem. Studies are now showing a shrinking of gray matter areas in our brain where we do our processing, in people with internet/ gaming addiction. This can affect a person’s ability to organise their thoughts and themselves, to plan, to prioritise. It can also affect our empathy and compassion.

Another area of concern for adolescents is emotional and social maturity. The teen years are an incredibly important time to develop friendships and a healthy sense of belonging.

While there is research that shows that playing video games can boost young people’s social wellbeing and have many positive impacts (playing games with your kids can be great for your relationship for example) the same researchers caution that ‘excessive or obsessive’ gaming will undo any such benefits.

Many teen boys have given up sport and outside recreational activities and are spending excessive hours in their bedrooms with no real human interaction.

This means they may miss opportunities to understand not only male communication especially the ‘teasing’ and light-hearted banter that happens in male company, but also the larger social exposure with females. Having friendships in real time is essential to healthy human development.

Author Carmen Myler, proposes 10 agreements for teen boys, to help them manage his gaming in a way that is not going to cause long-term damage.

The 10 Agreements are:

1. Computer or device in bedroom is negotiated and used with permission.
2. Be actively engaged in outside of bedroom/home activity that builds emotional and social competence at least twice a week – preferably group activity.
3. Be playing some form of sports/ recreational activity at least 3 times a week.
4. Complete normal chores around home.
5. Ensure his school grades are maintained.
6. Be at family meals (without devices) and have an agreed bedtime (again, without devices)
7. Have a friend visit, or he goes to visit weekly (and they have time offline)
8. Be responsible for any excessive data expenses.
9. Not disable the parental controls that are in place.
10. Avoid porn sites and viewing R 18+ or showing anyone else.

These rules are designed to set healthy boundaries, to help your son manage his gaming.

The same author suggests that when boundaries start slipping, the boy loses the privilege of

on-line access for 24 hours first time, 48 hours second time and an extra 24 hours each time.

A lengthier version of this article can be found at www.maggiedent.com

If you have any concerns about your son, you would like to confidentially discuss, please feel free to contact myself as the School Counsellor. My email is gvlamakis@sjcbe.catholic.edu.au

George Vlamakis

Student Counsellor