Counsellors' Corner
The first term of a new school year is often a chaotic time for families. It can take time for young people to settle into new routines and adjust back to the reality of school. Given that this term is one of the longer terms in the school year, some may feel exhausted and overwhelmed by the end of term. When your young person experiences feelings of stress and exhaustion, you may notice that their communication and interactions with you deteriorate, and this can lead to your own emotional responses. Learning to manage your responses to your young person and their behaviour is important in developing and facilitating a healthy and positive relationship. School holidays are a beneficial time to connect with your young person without the bustle and stress that comes during the term.
Last week, Ms Tanya Meessmann and Dr Diane Harner from Girl Shaped Flames presented a Courageous Parenting seminar to parents in the community. Tanya and Diane’s seminar highlighted some of the challenges that occur for young people, as well as parents, during the adolescent period. They combined research on adolescents and the teenage brain to help parents understand the changes that occur for young people during this critical stage of development, and how this can impact their behaviour towards you as parents. Research has suggested that between the ages of eight and fourteen years, girls’ confidence can decline 30% on average (Kay, Shipman & Riley, 2017). This decrease in confidence has a range of consequences for young people and may include changes in their behaviour towards you and others, issues with self-esteem, and increased anxiety. The Courageous Parenting seminar emphasised the importance of assisting your young person to hold and build on their confidence, through both education and practical advice. Some take-home messages Tanya and Diane had for parents were:
- Emotional regulation: Given the neuroanatomy of teenagers, they have biological deficits with self-regulation during this time. It is imperative that you as the parent can regulate your own emotions to enable co-regulation with your young person. Productive conversations can only occur when both parties are calm.
- Confidence: Facilitating and building confidence requires you to assist your young person to try things outside their comfort zone. Giving your young person new and challenging experiences is important for their development, as well as helping to build their confidence and self-esteem. This may also require you to step out of your comfort zone, and can be a valuable opportunity to model this to your young person.
- Experiences: Providing your young person with multiple and different experiences is important in assisting them to develop resilience, confidence, and self-efficacy.
- Safe space: Above all, giving your young person a safe space to connect (when they are willing and ready) is imperative. If communication or trust is broken, connection with your young person will be extremely difficult.
The Courageous Parenting seminar was a timely reminder of the challenges faced by young people and parents alike, and provided helpful suggestions for managing these interesting adolescent years. Further information about courses provided by Girl Shaped Flames, including a more intensive parenting program, can be found on their website - Girl Shaped Flames - Confidence for Teen Girls.
Wishing you and your families a safe and happy Easter break.
Ellie Keane
School Psychologist
References
Ms Tanya Meessmann and Dr Diane Harner – Girl Shaped Flames Girl Shaped Flames - Confidence for Teen Girls
Kay, K., Shipman, C., & Riley, J. The Confidence Code for Girls. Taking Risks, Messing Up, & Becoming Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self. US: Harper Collins Publishers, 2017