Chaplain’s Spot

Grief and Loss

This week’s focus is Grief and Loss. I coordinated a ‘Growth Through Loss’ Day today, to allow students and families to reflect on loved family members, friends or pets who died. Grief and loss can be very traumatic. We often don’t know how to deal with it for ourselves, or for others. Here are some thoughts that might be helpful for you and your family.

These 10 grief quotes from famous writers, artists & influential figures describe the pain of losing a loved one, and what it takes to keep on going through the dark times.

1.“I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.” Leo Buscaglia (professor, motivational speaker)

2. “Perhaps some day the sun will shine again, And I shall see that still the skies are blue, And feel once more I do not live in vain, Although bereft of you.”

Vera Brittain (frontline nurse during WWI and writer)

3. “You’ve got to trust yourself. Be gentle with yourself. And listen to yourself. You’re the only person who can get you through this now.” Tessa Shaffer (author, entrepreneur)

4. “Tears water our growth.” William Shakespeare (playwright & poet)

5. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (grief psychologist)

6. “Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.” Rossiter Worthington Raymond (engineer, author)

7. “What is lovely never dies, but passes into another loveliness, star-dust or sea-foam, flower or winged air.” Thomas Bailey Aldrich (writer, poet and editor)

8. “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.”

Marcel Proust (author and essayist)

9. “When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength." The Dalai Lama (religious leader of Tibetan Buddhism)

10. “Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.” Rabindranath Tagore (painter, writer and musician)

10 Myths:

1] You only grieve when someone dies - every loss can make us grieve

2] Just focus on the positives and you’ll be right - we need to acknowledge our grief

3] Grief is only sadness - it's a deeper kind of sadness

4] Everyone should grieve the same way - every person grieves differently

5] Time will heal - we are never the same, but we can grow through it

6] You should be over it by now - there is not a timetable for grief

7] You never really get over it - it's always with you, but you can accept and move on

8] I should be able to do this on my own - we all need support from others on our journey

9] I must not wallow in self pity - the experience of grief helps us heal

10] Best leave them alone to get over it - sometimes we need someone to be there for us

Every grief journey is different. My first major grief was my Dad dying of cancer at 64 years old. I wrote a reflection on this period in my life. As the drawing above indicates, grief can be messy. There are various stages - shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We don’t travel through these in order. We often progress, then return to earlier stages. This is normal.

To finish up, here are some of the strategies I have included on my grief and loss cards:

1) GRIEF STRATEGIES

Take time out to mourn Make no major decisions Talking helps healing Express yourself creatively Honour your loved one’s memory

Take care of physical health Don’t numb your feelings Have fun Plan for special occasions Reach out

If you ever need to talk about your own grief experiences, please contact me, and I would be happy to talk with you.

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Reminders: Regular

Thanks to all who have offered to help with Toast Tuesday or in cooking a meal.

# MealTrain roster is filled until the end of the year. Thanks everyone.

# Toast Tuesday roster link is volunteersignup.org/4B39T. Our last one for the year will be November 29. There are just 2 spaces left – November 15 and 22.

Second-hand uniforms are still available at Toast Tuesday. If you have summer dresses or skorts no longer required, we would appreciate them being recycled at school. They can be brought to the office, Attention: Alan Silverwood, or to any Toast Tuesday. Thanks.

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Please feel free to contact me via Compass, or at school, if you would like to discuss anything. I am here to support our school community with whatever is challenging us.

Alan Silverwood: Chaplain - Pastoral care for our community. [Monday, Tuesday, Friday]

[alan.silverwood@education.vic.gov.au] Supporting the School community in emotional, social, spiritual and practical wellbeing. The Chaplaincy program is funded by the Federal Government, donations and GRPS School Council.