Riddles and Jokes

Jokes

Why you should you never trust a clock?

It's usually second-hand information.

Knock, Knock...who's there?

Tank...tank who?

You're welcome!

A friend of mine bought me a broken watch -

I haven't told him yet that it's not the right time!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food - no atmosphere!

What does a pepper do?

Gets jalapeno business!

A word I know, six letters it contains, remove one letter, and twelve remains. What am I?
What word of five letters has only one left when two letters are removed?
If you have it and you show it to other people, I’m gone. What am I?
What type of dress can never be worn?
No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?
What falls, but never breaks? What breaks, but never falls?

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Which bird has the worst manners?

Mocking birds.

 It was so cold in ACT today…

…that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

My friend just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!”

I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.”

“That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, “Just you wait!”

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

What comes in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years?
What starts with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters?
How many letters are in the English alphabet?
Which month has 28 days?
Turn me on my side and I am everything, cut me in half and I am nothing. What am I?

Answers - Riddles 1

Answers - Riddles 2