WELLBEING

Helping kids identify and express their feelings.

Kids are just like adults in the sense that some are better than others at verbalising their feelings. As parents, it can sometimes become frustrating trying to help our kids with their emotions when we don’t know exactly how they are feeling. 

The reality is, sometimes kids don’t really understand how they are feeling themselves. Kids are no different to adults in that they have complex emotions. They know they feel something but can’t always verbalise it, so then they tend to express it in other ways. Sometimes in problematic and inappropriate ways. For children, it’s important that we see behaviour as communication. 

Learning to identify and express feelings and emotions in a positive way it important in then being able to manage and respond to them effectively. Learning to manage emotions in positive ways leads to positive attitudes and behaviours in later life.

Children begin learning emotional skills to identify, express and manage emotions from the day they are born. They do this through their social interactions and relationships with important people in their lives. As parents, we have an important role to play in modelling these qualities ourselves. 

Here are some tips to help your child identify and express their feelings:

• Tune into the cues your child is giving, such as their body language and behaviour. Listen to what they are saying. Helping to figure out what they may be feeling in turn helps your child understand their feelings.
• Name the feeling so they can grow their emotional vocabulary and can make connections between the feeling and its label.
• Identify feelings in others. This may be when reading a book or watching television. Visual representations help them build their vocabulary, see how others express and deal with things and know that they are not alone. Another good opportunity to build empathy, is to discuss the feelings of others during conflict. 
• Listen to your child. Show active listening and listen uninterrupted. Their feelings are real, even if they are different to your own. Resist the urge to make the feeling go away. Support them to deal with it in a positive light so they can build the skills to do it independently. They want to be heard. Dismissing feelings leads to expressing them in unhealthy ways.
• Be a role model. Think out loud. Talk about your own feelings and how you are going to deal with them. Verbalise that you are taking some time out for a minute, talking a few deep breaths, or phoning a friend to talk about an issue. And we are all human…don’t be afraid to apologise if you let your feelings get the better of you.
• Behaviour is communication. While unhealthy behaviours on not acceptable, use this form of communication to help discover what they are feeling and then support them to deal with it in more desirable ways. Punishing and simply telling them not to do it, is not actually teaching them what to do in its place.
• Encourage and praise. When your child expresses themselves positively, praise their efforts so that the door stays open, and they feel safe to come to you about anything. Particularly praise them if you start to see more positive patterns. 
• If you feel like you are having difficulty, never be afraid to ask for help. See if they will talk to someone else. A family friend, relative or teacher may be someone that they will talk to.