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The Bucket Theory

“The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.” – George Vaillant

The knowledge that there are other people who care about us is an intrinsic need and significant pathway to flourishing. Indeed, research suggests healthy, supportive social relationships is one factor most strongly associated with high levels of wellbeing (Kansky & Diener, 2017). Meaningful and positive relationships impact multiple aspects of wellbeing in that they can reduce the impact of negative experiences, build resilience and help to create positive and meaningful life experiences.

The Theory of the Bucket and Dipper

Developed by Don Clifton and Tom Rath from the Gallup Organisation in the USA, this is a simple yet powerful theory about the dynamic and connected way we all live together in the world. Understanding and reflecting on your use of the theory is likely to have a positive impact on you and your relationships.

“Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it is empty, we feel awful.

Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people’s buckets – by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions – we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from others’ buckets – by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions – we also diminish ourselves.

A full bucket gives us a positive outlook, gives us renewed energy and provides us with hope. Every drop makes us stronger and more optimistic.

An empty bucket gives us an empty feeling, where our views are clouded with negative emotions and negative thoughts. An empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy and undermines our will. That is why every time someone dips from out bucket, it hurts us.

And so we face a choice every moment of every day – we can fill one another’s buckets, or we can dip from them. It is an important choice – and a choice that profoundly influences our relationships, our wellbeing and our effectiveness.”

                                                                        Rath & Clifton, How Full is Your Bucket?, 2004

Discovering Positive Education - Institute of Positive Education, Geelong Grammar School, page 109

“Every single interaction we have is either life giving or life depleting” – Jane Dutton

Research by Shelly Gable and colleagues found that people generally respond to hearing good news in one of four ways:

Active Constructive

• Amplifies the positive emotion and supports savoring

Passive Constructive

• Stalls the conversation with little or no emotional involvement

Active Destructive

• Deflates the good news by pointing out the downside

Passive Destructive

• Steals the conversation by changing the subject

The table below shows an example of each response style when a spouse shares the good news that they have been asked to apply for a promotion at work:

The way that people respond to each other’s good news is of specific significance, predicting the long-term health of the relationship and impacting the wellbeing of the individuals.

Only Active Constructive Responding has been shown to have a positive benefit to both individual and relationship wellbeing. The other three response styles are negatively related to wellbeing, for both the individual sharing good news and the relationship (Gable et al., 2004).

Mia Sartori & Ashley Wallace -  Student Welfare Officers