Healthy Families
Content on this page is directly from https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/age-6-12/raising-resilient-children/solving-problems
Healthy Families
Content on this page is directly from https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/age-6-12/raising-resilient-children/solving-problems
Life can chuck all sorts of stuff at us, and effective problem-solving skills can mean the difference between being able to cope and feeling completely overwhelmed.
By learning to negotiate solutions to everyday problems and make decisions for themselves, your child will gradually become more independent and responsible. It also helps them feel confident and good about themselves, which is an important part of mental health and wellbeing.
You can support this process by practicing with your child, giving them space to figure things out themselves, and helping them reflect on what works and why.
A strategy to try
This strategy works best when your child is feeling calm and relaxed. If they’re very anxious or angry, help them to calm down first (quiet time, take some deep breaths) or leave problem-solving for another day when they are feeling calmer.
Kids don’t always have the words to tell you how they feel or know exactly what the problem is. Finding a quiet space where they feel comfortable and relaxed may help them to start talking about it. Remember to step back and not jump in to solve the problem.
Brainstorming two or three solutions is a good place to start – any more can be overwhelming. You can encourage their thinking with questions like “what do you think you/we could do?” With practice and support from others, they will gradually be able to come up with more of their own solutions. If they get stuck, you may need to make some suggestions in the beginning.
Once you have both identified some options, you can decide together which one to try first. Work out a plan for how they will try out their solution.
Do they need support from you, another child or a teacher? When will they get a chance to try it out – at home or in the playground? Once your child has tried the solution, check in with them as soon as possible. Did it work? If not, why not? What can they try next?
Remember to give them lots of support and encouragement if the solution didn’t work out. Sometimes we have the right solution, but need to practise it many times. Other times, we may need to return to step one to see if we correctly identified the issue.
Good communication is always a two-way thing. Listening to children is as important as what you say to them and how you say it. This might not always be easy – especially when you’re tired, busy or have to deal with complaining or conflict – but it’s important to model good communication skills so your kids can learn from you.
Approaching communication as a conversation between family members helps kids develop skills for life, setting them up for strong, respectful relationships and feeling able to ask for support when they need it.
Talking together and discussing everyday things helps family members feel connected. It builds trust and makes it easier to ask for and offer support. Making time to listen and show interest encourages kids to talk and helps you understand how they think and feel. Listening actively helps to build relationships and communication skills.
To get your kids to talk more, take notice of the times when they do talk. Often this is while doing everyday things like household chores or while playing games together. Use these relaxed times to get a conversation going with them. Similarly, it’s important to make sure that the adults in the family have relaxed times to talk together.
Talking about what’s bothering us can be hard – for both kids and adults. We need to feel safe and supported, and trust that we’ll be listened to and understood.
Asking how your child feels and listening non-defensively allows you to work together to solve problems. Blaming, judging or criticising will quickly shut down real communication and very often leads to arguments.
Listening carefully to the other person’s perspective and explaining your own feelings and views (“I’m disappointed that…” or “I’m upset that …”) rather than accusing (“You don’t care…” or “You’ve upset me…”) helps to defuse arguments and supports effective communication.
Modelling behaviour when you’re feeling stressed or upset helps kids develop their own strategies for coping with their emotions.
You can say:
Being ready to apologise, listening to how the other person feels and showing you appreciate their position is a critical skill for building strong and supportive family relationships.
Admitting to having difficult feelings is not a sign of weakness or failure. Instead, it sets a good example by showing that everyone has difficult feelings at times and that they are manageable.
For more information see;
Healthy Families - Beyond Blue
https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/home
NSW DoE - I am a Parent or Carer
https://education.nsw.gov.au/.../connect/parents-and-carers
Beyond Blue - it's not just a phone number
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/wellbeing
Emerging Minds
https://emergingminds.com.au/.../parents.../parenting/
WayAhead
Supporting good mental health and wellbeing in NSW
EveryBody is Deadly
EveryBODY is Deadly - Butterfly Foundation
In the event of an emergency, call 000
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
eHeadspace: 1800 650 890
Beyondblue Support Service: 1300 224 636
NSW Mental Health Line: 1800 011 511
NSW Parent Line: 1300 1300 52