Wellbeing Officer
Fomo and your child
I recently had a conversation with someone who was very upset that they were unable to attend their friend’s birthday party. They were understandably disappointed, but their feelings very quickly grew into fear. Fear that they would miss out on any conversations, that their friends would exclude them at school because they were not at the party or they would feel left out because, in their mind, all their friends would ever talk about again would be this party. The feelings of sadness became so overwhelming that they became almost inconsolable.
For those who are unfamiliar with the term FOMO, (as I was until recently) it stands for fear of missing out. This term is proving to be a very effective way to sell products but is having a negative effect on mental health. Approximately 56% of people experience FOMO, increasing to 69% for younger people. I asked a group of students what they are afraid of missing out on and the responses were:
- Social media
- Not being able to attend every play dates/social events with friends
- Fun activities if their siblings are doing it
- Being absent from school, fear that their friends will connect in their absence
- Feeling left out/jealous when their sibling gets to do something
I watched an ad over the weekend on tv that was informing the audience that if they didn’t attend the event or purchase the product then they would experience FOMO. There are even companies that instruct advertisers how to use FOMO marketing techniques to reach their audiences. It can be very difficult as a parent to know how to manage conversations regarding this topic when our children are exposed to so much advertising focused on making the public believe they will have FOMO if they do not purchase their products or attend their events.
The reality is that many children who experience FOMO can understand that it really isn’t the end of the world once they think about it objectively and feel supported.
Often FOMO presents itself if a child misses out on a birthday party or their sibling is invited somewhere and this can be particularly challenging if your child is social. Unfortunately, FOMO can result in negative behaviours, so it is important that calm and respectful conversations occur between parent and child.
It is important that as parents we are empathetic to their feelings. Although it may not seem important to you, for your child it can be really upsetting. Acknowledging their feelings is critical to your child being open to discussions about the issue. Questions, like the one’s below will provide a safe space for your child to share their emotions with you.
- Why do you feel left out?
- Do you even like the activities the kids you see are doing?
- Are you friends with any of the people involved in the activity you’re being left out of?
- Would you like to plan a time to catch up with those friends soon?
- Share that you have also experiences similar feelings and discuss how you have overcome those feelings, or how you will work towards letting go of the fear of missing out.
It is important that your child begins to understand that throughout their life there will be times when they will miss out on activities. It may be because of illness, other commitments or family rules and for this reason, discussing your child’s feelings with them can be beneficial for the next time they have to miss out.
If your child is younger or finding it difficult to navigate their feelings (for example when a sibling is invited to a party or they are unable to attend a function), planning an alternative activity can be really helpful. I have twin daughters and sometimes one would be invited to an event and this was challenging for their sibling. I found it helpful to plan a special day date, something they could also look forward to. It can be as simple as baking cookies or watching your child's favourite movie.
Open conversations that support our child's wellbeing will help them work through their emotions the next time they feel that they are missing out. Often we don't know how to talk to our child about their wellbeing but there are resources that can be very useful. The City of Whitehorse has several parent information forums in the coming months that can provide strategies for parents to support their child's wellbeing. They can be found in the link below.
It may be encouraging to know that you are not alone and the challenges that you may be experiencing with your child are often similar to many other families. I also encourage you to reach out if you would like me to provide additional resources to best support your child, yourself and your family.
Nicole Agius
Wellbeing Officer
nicole.agius@crosswaylifecare.org.au