Student Wellbeing

Re-setting Friendships. Helping our boys on their return to school. 

COVID-19 has impacted our boys in diverse ways, not all of which have been negative.  In fact, many of our boys have flourished at home, and enjoyed online learning. They have had more time, less pressure and fewer classroom distractions.  As all young people return to school, they will experience yet another adjustment which will be more difficult for some than others. 

Your son’s current transition back to school will likely involve some shifting and sifting of friendships.

Isolation may have held some changes to your son’s friendship dynamics. 

Your son may have made new, different friends during this period. Online learning may have made your son see other students in a ‘different light’. These newly established bonds will now be interrupted.

Alternatively, smaller groups of students may have forged a bond while away from school, that may not have included your son. On return to school, this group may be tighter than ever. Exclusivity is tough to crack into, and your son may feel the discomfort of this. 

How can we help our boys navigate the transition back?   

We are not returning to school “as we left it”.  Some things will be different than they were, including friendships.  This may be tough for some boys to accept and navigate. The feeling of “normal” will come as we accept change and settle into a new rhythm. We want to help our boys search for a feeling more than to search for a past life.

Many young people will strongly desire to hang onto the life they remember. Unfortunately, that drives anxiety and self-protective behaviour. It is powerful to teach children to recognise signs of anxiety in themselves and others.  Attempts to isolate, reject or dominate others need to be clearly identified as being unhelpful. In contrast, when people feel safe they don’t feel the need to protect themselves at the expense of others.

Anxiety also drives rigid thinking that either describes classmates as “besties” or “enemies”.  One of the most powerful conversations we can have with our boys is around “in-groups” and “out-groups”. New circumstances have the potential to help us to get to know “out groups” and see beyond our usual boarders.  

The return back to school is a great opportunity to re-set friendship groups and forge new ones. I would hope to encourage boys to be flexible in both who they include and reach out to.  I also hope they can return to school open hearted, looking for those who need including. 

We will likely see greater anxiety, anger, frustration, withdrawal and sadness from young people during this transition time which could make for some explosive friendship moments. The last few months has taken an emotional toll on many, our boys included. 

Now is a good time to arm shy or anxious boys with conversation starters for their first weeks back. Encourage your boy to be the friend, he desire in others. 

And finally, our boys may need to lean on our patience, foresight and strength until things find their natural rhythm again. May home and school be the steady, nurturing foundation to their life. This is after all, what we are here for.

If your son is struggling with transition back to school, please don’t hesitate to get in contact with myself, the School Counsellor. I am readily available on phone 9575 8100 or email gvlamakis@sjcbe.catholic.edu.au.

(Much of this article has borrowed from a blog post from parenting and education expert, Michelle Mitchell found at https://michellemitchell.org/)

George Vlamakis

Student Counsellor