Wellbeing

Goldilocks and the 3 Zones

Countering Entitlement with Frustration Tolerance

Many children today expect things to come easily. When learning feels hard, frustration quickly follows—and sometimes, disrespect or giving up. As parents, our first instinct is often to step in and make things easier. But if we want to raise resilient, capable kids, there’s a better way.

We can help our children by teaching two powerful skills: frustration tolerance and an understanding of the learning zone.

Building Frustration Tolerance

Frustration isn’t failure—it’s feedback. It tells us we’re stretching, learning, and growing. When kids learn to tolerate frustration, they build the emotional strength they’ll need for life.

Here’s how we can help:

• Allow them to struggle: Resist the urge to jump in right away. Give them a chance to wrestle with the challenge.
• Offer support, not solutions: Try saying, “That looks hard. I’m here if you need me,” or “What’s one thing you could try next?”
• Celebrate effort over outcome: Highlight persistence and courage. “You kept going even when it was tricky—that’s resilience.”

The Learning Zone: Where Growth Happens

Think of your child’s learning like Goldilocks and her porridge—not too hot, not too cold, but just right.

• Comfort Zone: Everything feels easy. It’s safe but not stretching.
• Panic Zone: The challenge feels too big. They shut down.
• Learning Zone: The sweet spot—challenging but manageable. This is where growth happens.

When children understand these zones, they start to see struggle differently. Frustration isn’t something to avoid—it’s a sign they’re in the right place to grow.

This simple reframing counters an entitled mindset that thinks that everything should be easy, and, instead, empowers them to tolerate frustration and build resilience.

Author Dr Justin Coulson

Dr Justin Coulson is a dad to 6 daughters and grandfather to 1 granddaughter. He is the parenting expert and co-host of Channel 9’s Parental Guidance, and he and his wife host Australia’s #1 podcast for parents and family: The Happy Families podcast. He has written 9 books about families and parenting. For further details visit www.happyfamilies.com.au.

If you have any questions about Student Wellbeing at St Cecilia's please contact:

Kate Sutherland, Learning Diversity and Student Wellbeing Leader

ksutherland@scgleniris.catholic.edu.au