College Counsellor

Authority vs Influence: a Bull's Perspective

• The following is from Dr Justin Coulson’s One-Minute Wellbeing and is used with permission. Find out more at www.happyfamilies.com.au

One morning, a farmer was doing chores when a big four-wheel drive pulled up. A

uniformed man got out and said, “I’m here to inspect your farm for any illegally grown

drugs.”

The farmer responded, “Fine. But I’d recommend not going into that paddock over

there.” He pointed to a beautiful paddock.

The officer replied, “I have the authority of the state government behind me.” He

showed his badge. “I can go wherever I want.”

The farmer apologised and continued his chores. Soon after, he heard a scream. The

officer was running from a raging bull in the forbidden paddock. The farmer called out,

“Show him your badge!”

As parents and educators, we sometimes think that our authority should automatically command respect. We say things like, “Because I’m the parent, that’s why.” But kids, like the bull, don’t always respond to authority alone.

Using power to coerce and control rarely leads to effective learning. When young people

don’t listen, we get mad, yell, threaten, or punish. This damages relationships and

reduces the likelihood they’ll listen to us in the future.

The more we rely on our authority to enforce compliance, the less effective it becomes.

Real authority comes from building trust and understanding, not just showing our badge.

Let’s talk about it!

▶ How can we shift our focus from using authority to influence and connection in our relationships with our children?

▶ In what ways can we demonstrate genuine understanding and empathy to our

children, especially when addressing challenging behaviours? How does this

impact their willingness to listen and learn?