Watching Someone Stumble

“It is hard work minding everyone else’s business.

To be truthful, it’s even tough minding the business of the ten people

whose lives I can be bothered to think about.

What really gets me going is when a friend of mine feels the need to tell me a ripe, juicy piece of gossip about another teacher I had hardly thought about – my friend actually wants me to add that business to the business I already have to mind.”

Imagine if I actually believed that. You should get me sacked. I have no business minding the business of others. Nor do you. The Bible is very clear about this: 

For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.

2 Corinthians 12:20

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Now imagine a bit more ...

“You would not believe what I hear – about that person/school lesson/incident in the playground. I’ve got to tell you.

It’s really bad, and maybe I shouldn’t tell you – because I only heard it from someone else, but I think if you know, then we can protect others.”

“Did you hear what that person (high school student/primary child/parent/teacher/visitor) did, in the carpark - in front of everyone? I know – I wasn’t actually there,

but I got my information from the year group parent WhatsApp – not from my son’s year, but from the group a couple of year groups below – they know everything.”

“Those parents/teachers/students aren’t Christians in the way we are.

The way they live, the things they say, they don’t even go to a church like ours.

We teach the Bible the way it should be taught.

They can’t be as strong as us – they have views we can’t agree with. On relationships/sex/marriage/holidays/justice/environment/indigenous issues/equality  – we’re not even sure why the school let them in.”

I have not written the last three paragraphs to shock you, but simply to share something of what I get told. As Principal, I get told lots of things, and I am asked for opinion and sometimes adjudication.

Often, I am being told mis-information, outright untruth and warped reality. I have absolutely no doubt it started as accurate, and that was the intention as it was first passed on. But, after it was passed from adult to child (or vice versa) to WhatsApp group, to hurried chat in the car park, to a barbeque last weekend, and eventually to me – it got changed.  (Have you ever played the “whispering circle” game?)

An important word about emails. I am aware, because I’ve seen them, of email trails involving 5 to 50 families, where a meeting with a staff member is reported on to the rest of the email group.

Even with a shared interest in the topic the family is covering with the staff member, that’s not OK. That’s gossip. It’s not another person’s business, and the staff member is never ever told that this further communication will take place. In fact, they usually have no idea.

Unless that staff member knows everyone who is going to be told, and included in the email trail, it’s not OK – it disrupts and diminishes our community. Use the Matthew 18 principle; email is too convenient at times. It can cause us, and others, to stumble in our walks.

To be honest, another little part of my heart breaks when any of these things are shared with me. It should cause the same reaction in you. Because a person’s life, or people’s lives, are being discussed and they are not there to represent their perspective. They are not given a proper chance to respond, and (in most cases) there is judgement that has been made which could result in hurt. And, this behaviour and this personal hurt then hurts our community. A delicious morsel of gossip should be swallowed, never to surface again. 

I have been pondering the following verses for a while. I think it’s time to share them, and to encourage all of us – myself included – to be much more reflective in what we do and say, so that it builds up our brothers and sisters, rather than risk breaking down our community’s fabric:

But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak.

1 Corinthians 8:9

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.

Romans 14:13

We are called to think about what we are doing, whether it causes the other to stumble, and to approach situations with the other in focus. If we are honest, every one of those horrendous statements I quoted in the early paragraphs of this article is self-centred or self-serving. We may say it is for the greater good, but if we feel even the slightest bit better saying it, it’s serving us first. 

Raising concern, and seeking resolution, at DCC is aligned with what Jesus taught us as recorded in Matthew’s gospel, chapter 18. If it is actually a sin against you, take it to the brother or sister who wronged you. If you need support because it wasn’t heard, ask for that help. If you are not satisfied that it was well handled, and you were heard, say so.

Nowhere does Jesus say to go out to the court of public opinion (the car park, the WhatsApp, the local community or church that are not even in our community) and have a chat about it there. 

I am sure we all know that it is not OK to gossip. It is not OK to unreasonably behave toward the other (even just to push the boundaries), in ways which cause them to stumble. We are called to consider our own behaviour first, and to modify it in the interests of building one another up.

What we say to others.

What we say to our kids.

What we say in front of our kids.

What we don’t say.

What we could have said but chose not to.

What we think and don’t say.

ALL of these situations matter, and I think we need to do better.

To do as Jesus would have us do.

Every day, we are a seething mass of relationships.  1575 students, 200+ staff, 1900 parents. It’s a big ask – but we need to call one another to a higher standard, in humility. In service of one another. To build one another up. Not to knock them down. For the sake of the other. For the sake of the college’s community. 

Act justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly. That is, seek shalom.