Wellbeing

School refusal: How to help your child overcome it

I had the pleasure of going to see Associate Professor and clinical psychologist, Dr Glenn Melvin, speak earlier in the year about school refusal – an issue that can impact family relationships and is associated with significant mental health distress in young people.

Here’s a few things I learnt…

This issue isn’t new, however the COVID-19 pandemic and its significant impact on schooling throughout lockdowns has thrown a spotlight on the issue and the problem is complicated.

What is school refusal?

School reluctance and refusal are complex issues that can often be misunderstood – a child is experiencing school reluctance if they’re unwilling to attend school, but are still attending; a child is experiencing school refusal if they have difficulties attending and/or remaining at school due to emotional distress about attending school.

School refusal is usually driven by a child’s attempt to manage overwhelming difficulties related to school attendance, rather than by disobedience or defiance. 

Although it’s widely used, the term “school refusal” isn’t universally accepted. The word “refusal” can imply a child-motivated defiance, but there are numerous individual (child), family, school, community and other circumstance that can contribute to a child’s difficulty attending school. Many young people may desperately want to go to school, but feel they can’t. For these reasons, some families and professionals prefer alternative terms such as “school can’t” or “school avoidance”.

A few strategies that may help your child attend school include the following:

• It’s important to address school reluctance or refusal – doing what you can to support your child’s school engagement can minimise potential negative consequences of not attending, such as missing out on education and friendships, and an increased risk of mental health problems.
• Understand the cycle of anxiety and avoidance – avoiding school can alleviate a child’s anxiety in the short-term, but longer term it’s likely to reduce their confidence and make them even more anxious about attending school.
• Look beneath the surface – children’s protests and absences are just the tip of the iceberg. The first step toward helping them is to consider what might be contributing to their difficulties, including personal stressors, problems at school, and challenges affecting family life. 
• Talk with your child and listen to them – as soon as you notice your child is finding it difficult to go to school, try to talk with them about what they think the reasons are; really listen and don’t rush into problem-solving.
• Decide on the best schooling option for your child – once you’ve spent time identifying factors contributing to your child’s difficulties, then consider the best schooling option for your child. This might involve exploring alternative learning pathways or settings. Have these discussions with your child, their teachers and any other relevant professionals, bearing in mind the possibility of their difficulties carrying over to other settings.  
• Work as a team to address underlying causes of your child’s school reluctance or refusal – parents may need help figuring out what’s driving their child’s reluctance to attend school, so speaking to the school and, if needed, a health professional. Once you have a clear shared understanding of the reasons your child is reluctant or refusing to attend school, it’s important that you, your child, school staff and any health professionals involved work to address these collaboratively.
• Make a plan and work towards your child’s attendance goals – once you’ve made some progress addressing the issues that underlie your child’s attendance difficulties, a next step is to create a plan to support their return to school, or to increase their attendance (in line with their goals).  

Brittany Taylor

Educational & Developmental Psychologist