From the Executive Deputy Principal
The Power of Self-Connection in Young People
As educators, much of our time is spent preparing students for success — both during their school years and beyond. We equip them with knowledge, assist them to foster positive behaviours, to build routines, and we help them develop essential social and academic skills. But there is one vital capability that can sometimes receive less attention and yet has profound influence on a young person’s ability to thrive: self-connection.
Self-connection is the ability to recognise, understand, and trust one’s own emotions, needs, and inner experiences. When young people feel secure in their identity, they bring that sense of self-worth into relationships, decisions, and challenges. Without it, however, their confidence and emotional wellbeing can slowly unravel from within.
Why Self-Connection Matters
The erosion of self-connection often occurs through well-intentioned but dismissive responses that send the wrong message. A child cries after misplacing a toy, and an adult says, “You are fine, it is not a big deal.” Or a child says they are scared at night, and is told, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” These moments may seem trivial, but over time they can send a powerful message: “My feelings are not valid.”
When young people internalise this message, they begin to doubt their emotions, suppress their instincts, or feel ashamed for how they feel. This can lead to increased anxiety, insecurity, emotional reactivity, or withdrawal, all of which are patterns that can persist into adulthood.
By contrast, self-connection empowers young people in meaningful ways:
Emotional resilience: Those who can recognise and process their emotions are better equipped to handle stress, failure, and adversity without losing their sense of self
Healthy boundaries: Self-connected teens trust their instincts. They are more likely to say no, advocate for themselves, and resist peer pressure
Authentic confidence: True confidence is not based on external achievements but on the deep belief that who you are is enough — even when things are difficult
Mental wellbeing: A strong inner sense of self reduces the need for external validation and can help guard against anxiety and self-doubt.
Nurturing Self-Connection: Some practical steps
Fostering self-connection does not require a radical shift in parenting or teaching. Small, intentional changes can have a lasting impact. Some of these include:
Validate Emotions Rather than brushing off feelings with “You are fine,” try: “That seemed really upsetting. I am here with you.”Validation does not mean agreement — it means acknowledging a young person’s emotional reality, helping them feel safe to express what they feel.
Create Space for Their Full Selves Accept the messy emotions, curious questions, and unique quirks. When young people are accepted (even when they are sad, angry, or scared), they internalise the message – “All parts of me are welcome”
Encourage Autonomy Avoid micromanaging. Offer age-appropriate options and let them make mistakes in safe environments. Autonomy builds trust in their own judgment and strengthens inner resilience
Model Self-Connection Use language like: “I am feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a moment to breathe.”When adults model emotional awareness and regulation, young people learn that feelings are not to be feared, but rather they are signals to be understood
Use Curious, Compassionate Language Replace accusatory questions like “Why did you do that?” with “What were you feeling when that happened?”This kind of gentle reflection encourages introspection and slowly becomes part of their inner self-talk
Delve into the Behaviour Challenging behaviour is often a surface expression of deeper needs such as, disconnection, frustration, or a lack of control. Addressing the base cause builds understanding and supports emotional healing
Celebrate the Person, Not Just the Performance While achievements are important, do not overlook the quiet strengths: “I love how thoughtful you are with your friends,” or “Your curiosity is one of my favourite things about you.”Such affirmations reinforce the idea that their value lies in who they are, not just in what they accomplish.
Supporting self-connection in young people is one of the most profound contributions educators and parents can make. When a young person is deeply connected to their inner world, they are better prepared to face the outer one with strength, empathy, and authenticity.
Miss P Di Maria
Executive Deputy Principal