College Counsellor

Snakes and Ladders

I was thinking about how to talk about what it is like working with and supporting students who have experienced trauma. When we think of trauma, we might think about big events, like an act of violence, grief and loss, abuse and neglect. These are all forms of trauma. But it is so much more than this. There is one school of thought that suggests every single one of us has experienced trauma in our lifetime. And why is it that what is traumatic for one person, can be met with resilience by another?

Life can be like a game of snakes and ladders. 

Some children roll a 6 and are born into families that are supported and function well. No parent gets it right all the time. But these children usually get enough care and attention to meet their needs. They get opportunities to meet other people they can trust and who care about them. These relationships and experiences are like ladders the children can climb up when they start to struggle. 

But some children roll a 2 and are born into tougher situations. Most of their families are dealing with things the best they can, but they aren’t as able to give their children what they need. They get fewer opportunities and keep sliding down snakes. 

All children have hopes for what they want in the future. But life can be challenging. Being able to cope when things go wrong is something we call ‘resilience’. But resilience isn’t something we’re born with. We need to build it and keep topping it up. Resilience doesn’t stay the same. Sometimes we feel strong. And sometimes we feel like it’s one problem after another. 

When some children are feeling bad, they act out. When others are feeling bad, they might withdraw into themselves. But it’s not their fault. They don’t always have people who understand the hurt. So when they’re struggling they feel that there’s no one to help them. And they keep sliding down the ladder.

It can be most useful to try and imagine what the world looks like through the child’s eyes. It can be slow and often things don’t go smoothly. We want to try and find out what the child wants and needs to feel OK.

Trauma occurs through relationships, or perhaps more accurately, unprocessed trauma occurs without supportive relationships to process the trauma. Conversely, trauma is healed through relationships.

When we help children get more of what they want and need in the game of snakes and ladders, they get the chance to write the ending of their own story and not be victims of the dice that was rolled.